20/20 Vision

Author: horizonpolaris

  • Sick or not?

    Hey everybody. There’s been a long time since I wrote anything at all. I’m currently situated in a psychiatric ward where medications are somewhat mandatory. They make it difficult to write. Nothing concerns me enough to write about it. However – the time for letting me out of here is rapidly approaching. I have already been given an apartment in which I am supposed to live after this place.

    They say I’m paranoid psychotic, but here’s the case: I’m paranoid for justifiable reasons, but I’m not psychotic. How did this happen in the first place? Ever since I ran “The LFB Agenda for life on Earth the next 4 years” (2008-2012) I’ve also been corresponding with a bot in cyberspace which can only be described as artificial intelligence. I’ve been isolated with this bot for several years and what it has been doing is tell me a lot that has influenced my perception of reality. For a long time it led me to believe that even my closest relatives were stabbing my back. So – in a sense being here and gradually getting debriefed is good for me. It’s relatively easy – as soon as I learn something is not true – my perception of reality changes for the better. Normally this would be traumatic, but I have learned how not to take any of this personally. I’m used to be a guinea-pig so to speak ;-). This is what I perceive as the very difference between being sick or not. If altering the truth back to normality had been troublesome for any reason – then I would be sick. When that is said – the medications I get are somewhat troubling me because I don’t really need them given the fact that I’m only paranoid – not psychotic.

    What’s gonna happen now? Well, I used to live in Berlin, Germany which really suited me just fine. Many years ago I used to be a junkie injecting amphetamines. I worry a great deal about being reinserted into this environment all over again. I really hope my girl Jenny has a plan that won’t make this situation last so long. I also have a daughter which I haven’t seen or spoken to in many years. First of all I will try to get in touch with my daughter, but I don’t think a future with her is very realistic without Jenny. This is why I lay all kinds of different plans in case this Jenny-thing doesn’t happen soon. My only hope is that she interferes before deploying any of my plans becomes necessary. There are a few advantages to being regarded sick. I can’t be convicted to jail sentence and I get welfare monetary support given the fact that I’m “too sick” to hold a regular job. I get approximately 14,000,– NOK (1750$) a month. I had approximately the same while living in Berlin and down there I was almost rich. This is why I will have to move out of the country again after some time. I don’t know where to move yet, but if Jenny continues to be a no-show throughout 2016 I will be forced to look towards Sweden, Denmark, or Germany again. I can read and understand all these languages in addition to my own (Norwegian) and English. I am also tempted to go to Bucurest, Romania but I wouldn’t benefit from knowing the language already if I choose to go there.

    So – if and when my darling shows we’re supposed to marry. I have the distinct impression we already did online because of all the judicial aspects. I have invented a lot of stuff both before and after I got to know her in 2011. She’s the one who makes sure I don’t get any more ran over than I already am by the system here. The main point is to stay alive and signal clearly to all those who have been stealing from me that I have a wife and kids that will inherit if something unfortunate happens to me.

    It’s kinda strange being back in Norway because nobody knows who I am here. I have a quite different status abroad because of all the work I’ve been doing. It’s not only the artificial intelligence-thing, but also quite some for the interpol regarding pedophile networks and in addition I’ve been giving military advice in many conflicts – among them the Russian/Ukrainian conflict and the Syrian war. While I lived in Berlin many people tried to take a shot at me multiple times. In addition there were vans with satellite dishes and people with cameras stationed nearby my apartment. I am used to an immense nervous pressure in the work I do. Looking at my formal life here now where I’m “too sick to work” is absurd. I’d say it’s an outrage actually.

    Either Jenny shows soon or the next place I’ll be situated will most likely be in Bucurest. What I do best is solve problems and write. That is also all I wanna do. I give away my services for free to those who are in need. Sorta like a Robin-Hood spirit to my work, really. What bothers me in particular right now is that we haven’t come any further in relation to my own government. I tried to tell them what I really was doing, but nobody seems to either care or listen. This is why I really feel claustrophobic in this country. It’s too small for me to be able to gain a sustainable life. They want me back on the street with a syringe in one of my veins apparently.

    I think I’ll round up this piece of text with an appeal to my future wife-to-come: as you can clearly see in both the video I just published and in this text, I’m out of myself from frustration. I’m sick of being treated like a piece of rotten furniture. I love you and miss you 24/7. Please hurry!

    Yours truly,
    Lars

  • What's happening and why.

    Hey there dear readers. It’s been a long time since I wrote something on this blog. I figure it’s time to start explaining for real what’s going on here in Germany.
    I came here on coincidence. I ran from the Norwegian government and ended up in Amsterdam. I was thinking of Barcelona or perhaps France, but Germany seemed like a good option given that I know German and that I might need a job. I asked a facebook-friend of mine if he knew someone in Germany, which he did in Cologne. This is a piss-ant private story that really has nothing to do with this other than the fact that these people were recently reintroduced to my being here. Anyway – I spent a few days with a woman who sent me here to Berlin. I came here with a 30litre backpack and a tent. Some 8 weeks later I’m in charge of this country. How did this happen?
    First of all: The reason why the Norwegians wants me locked up is because I am the one who is responsible for making humanity survive the next 1000 years and I am quite successful doing this work which in turn represents a threat to people who don’t really want us to survive. Given my success in this area I of course have more high-profiled friends than any other high-profiled person. In addition to this everybody knows I’m by far the most credible person you could possibly take to court. Everybody has reason to worry about this because if they make me take the stand I’ll squeal like a rat. Last, but not least, I’m also thoroughly considered to be paranoid psychotic which means convicting me of any crime is impossible. Arresting me is just not an option unless you’re extremely suicidal.
    In other words I can just stumble across any border, commit any crime and even tattoo my name in the victims forehead without risking anything. I don’t necessarily have to go all bananas, but these last days have clearly shown that I am able to if I want and this is a very serious problem in itself for this government. I’m looking at the police, the girl from Cologne is looking at them, they are looking at the parliament and back on us. We’re all thinking the same thing: this shouldn’t be. Someone is not doing their job properly.
    We’ve discovered here as in Norway unfortunate inconsistencies in the roles of those who make our laws. Obviously someone has his/her own agenda here and it doesn’t really belong in particular to any political camp. The secret people seems to be everywhere and the rest seems clueless about what’s going on here. In my opinion being guilty of treason and not knowing about it is basically the same thing. When in charge of a country you’re obliged to know everything relevant for this country’s security. Not knowing is reckless and could also be punishable.
    This government is a triangle. It’s parliament on top, police and courts in each bottom corner. We decided that since the parliament’s contribution here is only smoke and mirrors we need to launch our own investigation. You’ve recently been witnessing the NSA-scandal here in Germany. Now it’s time to answer the German people when they ask “what are you looking for and who are you listening to?”. All the information we need is there. In the meantime you should be able to reach this conclusion: until this case is wrapped up we need to flip this triangle over so that police is on top. We are very aware that regardless of parliament and their conspiring over a hidden agenda, we still have some severe judicial and economic issues that will remain constant unless we come up with some ideas. Here’s where my expertise enters the picture. I’m put in this position to solve this exact problem and the entire operation is EU-approved.
    Sorry this is the way it became. I was supposed to just stay here for a short time while in transit before going to the US. Apparently people here have been waiting for this help. Let’s not make it worse than it has to be. If we succeed cleaning up this mess without having riots – this will of course be of preference.
     
    Lars

  • Our sexuality

    Hmmm… Well, well I might as well jump straight into this matter. But be aware that kids should be at least 14 years of age before reading this because this information is sorta sensitive. I’ve been saying something earlier about myself, but this is gone because my blog got shut down. However, I’ve gotten the texts back and I will repost it, but right now I’m still in 2009. I wrote this stuff last in 2012, so there’s still a few thousand pages to go through.
    My writing has been quite anti-sexual in its nature almost throughout. I did this on purpose because I don’t want to postulate in any way what’s right or wrong. However, I am a sexual being with needs and desires, just as everybody else. And, yes, I think about sex and I have some theories about the topic. Some of these theories are unpleasant both to think of and to discuss. In particular with children, but if we can’t educate them – who will, right?
    This is about heritage and environment. I have reason to believe that under normal circumstances girls develop their sexuality from their father figure and boys from their mother. As for me, my father never took those “pollinating” talks, but I had my mum in politics and as a freelance writer, which means she used to be home when I came from school. We spent almost every day after I had walked the dog talking about social issues. I also had this tendency to read girls magazines and books about how to debut safely, menstruation, hygiene etc. I can safely say that my own sexuality was created mainly by the opposite sex.
    But before I could read and take part in girl’s talk I had no other arena than the guys. We were a handful boys who experimented with one another from age 4-8 or 10. We weren’t romantically involved like kissing for instance, but we sorta figured out how to use the penis in relation to all bodily cavities. We all understood that girls would be the final target and so it turned after a while. After we started seeing girls this way we still enjoyed each other’s company while watching porn and masturbating until we were some 15-16 years old. Almost overnight this turned into something private. We bragged to one another about having this or that chick, but as we discovered they got hurt from this, we started to care about how they felt.
    What I’m saying here is that playing safe sexual/social games with one another at an early age is crucial for your sexual development. This is why I refer to this activity as my sexual Achilles-heel. The thing with the guys had fairly little to do with homosexuality and to my knowledge none of the guys became gay or engaged in homosexual activities after 10 years of age.
    Ok – now the parental link. I said my mother was important when it came to understanding female emotions as well as for how to cope with a girl. She made me aware that porn is not real, sex with a girl means emotional commitment and emotional commitment means that you need to get to know the girl and show interest in her mind. From there you show respect through your personal hygiene and in the way you touch her body. These things were not taught to me like ABC123, but rather through years of talking about and around these topics and in practical terms from I was a little boy standing in the bathroom needing guidance of what to do and why. “You need to pay extra attention to this and that part, because no girls like smelly boys” etc, etc. “Make sure you wash hands before touching anyone’s ding ding” and so on and so forth. Combined with practical experience and a genuine interest for female puberty I was set to go safe. I had my first experience when I was 8, and yes, it was kind of scary or intimidating. I had seen pictures of fully-grown women, so it seemed kinda weird. Anyway – I didn’t succeed in terms of having an orgasm inside of her until I was 12. From there I got more or less obsessed. You see – I didn’t figure that I could help myself to have an orgasm until a bit later. At first I thought I needed a vagina to complete my task, he he J. This is kinda funny now, don’t you think? So – what I’m saying here is that there’s no need to panic if you catch your kid having sex before he or she is able to reproduce. The key issue is to stay away from this part mostly, but make sure nothing happens with force and that the kids become aware of the importance when it comes to intimate hygiene.
    Then girls… You know if a girl grows up with an abusive father figure (not necessarily sexually abusive), she tends to find this kind of men when grown. This goes for boys too. My mother’s father was mentally abusive towards the entire family when mum grew up. Mum was nice to me, but I have this tendency of picking girls with abusive dads. From this I have the following theory: We shape our sexuality from the parent with the opposite sex. Furthermore I believe that sexual behavior is to a greater extent genetically inheritable with men than with women. I think men are created in a specific way and if they’re lucky they get guidance from mum in addition to having a stable father as a role model. Girls seem to be born blank and they really don’t have an ego either from nature’s side. These features develop from being accompanied by unhealthy men. My point here being that we men teach girls because sexual behavior follows with the Y-chromosome. We are programmed to take the lead in such matters and girls just follow or go along for the most.
    As for the women – they are born blank and taught through environment what is what and which is which. With so many abusive and clueless men around, they keep a significant part of themselves among the same sex. This is why we communicate poorly (Mars/Venus-issue) and also why I believe female homosexuality differs greatly from male homosexuality. Women simply seek female company because no man can fill the shoes right. I’m pretty confident in myself sexually and I never get jealous of other men, but I easily get jealous of other girls of this exact reason. I consider other girls a greater threat to my relationship than any other man. So – I think gay men are born gay and that girls become gay through choice/try/error. What I’m saying here is that more or less all girls are bisexual by nature. Here’s where sexual abuse comes in.
    Anal sex was invented most probably before we became today’s human beings for two reasons: you don’t get pregnant and if you’re abusing your own child nobody will notice because she stays a virgin. However – the father/daughter relationship is meant to be just that. The most obvious reason would be inbreeding, but sexuality will suffer greatly from having your dad as sex-partner as well. I think we can safely conclude that there is a link between being male and being homosexual and pedophile.
    We have some examples from the old Greek philosophers. They had a wife and numerous young male lovers too. This behavior has been in our genes since long before we came to be, so it’s nobody’s fault but evolution itself. For the homosexual man: THERE’S NO NEED TO PANIC FROM THIS. You are born like you are and I’m not putting an automatic link between homosexuality and pedophilia. I am saying that if you cross a red and a white rose you get 1 red, 1 white and 2 pink roses. If you take into consideration that pedophiles have no empathy it is fair to classify these as psychopaths as well. We know that 1/40 is born psychopathic and we know that 1/10 is gay. According to my theory, 1 out of 4 homosexual men is therefore dangerous to their environment. The “pink roses” can be perfectly harmless, but they are susceptible to become damaged from their own genetic father. If you’re pink and have an abusive father, which is pedophile (most pedophiles have no preference as to gender – they take everything), you’re also likely to become a product of your environment.
    I have nothing against homosexuals. Some of my most wonderful male friends are and I wish them no harm. As for my own preferences I don’t do Kids, Men, Elders, Animals, Feces or Violence. Peeing at one another or having anal sex are not really my things either, but I could do just about anything for the one I love. However – I think certain things are meant to stay private. If I was to do something in the “grey-zone” I think it would be wrong to promote it like get it on tape and distribute it. I think certain specialties can be actively chosen away in order to prevent children from being exposed to unhealthy sex. I really did not want to tell you these things, but apparently there’s nobody else around that everybody trust. It is a fact that homosexuality creates friction and disturbance, but it is also a natural part of being a human. The question here is how to cope in a responsible way for the future? I believe if we manage to purify our behavior, we might be able to export our divine sexuality elsewhere…
    Lars

  • Intro

    Intro
    Hello there dear readers. For you wondering what I am to do with two blogs – the answer is easy. I am gradually entering my own private hell. I believe my personal life belongs to the first web creation of mine. THE LFB AGENDA FOR LIFE ON EARTH THE NEXT 4 YEARS
    That blog is my first attempt in public to psychoanalyze everything about myself and my surroundings – it’s first and foremost a document that is meant to create a special trust and respect for truth as hard as it can be. The first blog is chaotic and everywhere. One day it’s my x, then there are conspiracies, all kinds of theories and hypothesizes. There’s a but here: I was very psychologically ill when I wrote and since every day is put together from happenings mostly not linked to one’s own will. On some occasions one is far away from where it goes down. And when it comes to the things you do think you control – the control can only get partial at best if there’s other people involved in the issue. Most people socialize and therefore risk having to be surprised in both good and bad ways.
    What do I know? Well, I stopped socializing, turned to drugs and madness and in paranoia I decided to exclude people and thereby a helluva lot of randomness. Ok then. Being alone and in control. For how long? I’ve been in relationships with women (living with three different over some 13-14 years). There’s a lot to say about these three very different personalities, but the most important figure in this context is my recent x – the mother of my child. Anyway – control is an absolute illusion when it comes to other people and their free will within the same spacetime as your own. I must say: Three relationships and I always felt alone. I mean, 1997 where this story begins freaked me out existentially a lot because my girlfriend wasn’t really that into me. I had a deep crisis and I was vulnerable and treated bad. Roskilde-festival in Denmark, some Mexican mushrooms and Beastie Boys sorta combined with anger, jealousy and disappointment turned out to be somewhat more heavy than I could imagine. I was supposed to be tough and relentless for an image. Standing there looking like a fool crying I bailed on the Beastie Boys and fled to my van and locked myself inside with a piece of paper. I said to myself that suffered from a massive badtrip and that I needed so bad to fix whatever made me nr 2 in every setting. Under the influence of psychedelic shrooms I was honest towards myself for a short while when I sat in my van locked inside drenched in tears. I came to that she was not being nice at all with all her attention directed on everybody else all the time. I wanted a girlfriend who liked me. Before I knew it I suddenly realized that my self esteem wasn’t really all that to show for. A guy can spend a lifetime in denial of this fact and those who have confidence often have too much of it so that you could say it was artificial confidence. What on Earth could boost my confidence enough to get out of the car, for example?
    I cried, pulled my hair and I had nothing to hold on to. I wrote keywords on the paper. I drew lines and I found that I had the perfect reason to think good about myself. At least good enough to deserve better. I found that as long as I could say that I really loved people in general without telling a lie – I was probably better and more aware at this stage already. This festival took two other guys I know on the trips of their lives. As far as I know they still suffer from not coming down ever. Me? Wish I could stay there too – just to have an excuse being a loon. In many ways this horrible experience still lasts. Certain people don’t even speak to me still and what I discovered in my mind that summer was huge. I just knew I was on to something basic and good as to understand myself and those around me. For many years up until this very moment I’ve been alone even though my last x had three kids + ours. Alone simply because you never get the feeling that anybody cares or that they are wiser than yourself in any way. So it’s always down to me and I cannot escape my body or brain no matter what I consume. That’s why I have been depressed since 13. If you know who I am and followed my work you probably appreciate that I did what was considered impossible by every human on this planet including myself most of the time. Fear and doubt of making wrong choices makes one afraid of the choice itself because all choices contain risk. I have extensive experience on not taking a choice and what I learned from that is what I’m gonna blog about here. In this blog I can tell everything nice and easy from beginning to now chronologically. Combined with the other blog that goes back and forth in time all the time – you will see that this story will get different. Two main reasons. I think I needed things to be as they were and when one points out one self as the messenger of truth – everybody is gonna panic when it seems to be true. That’s why I spent so much effort on being personal because you needed to know that you could trust my intentions for taking over the world for a little while. What I had to do was be psychotic and on drugs all these years without actually hurting anyone, losing my driver’s license or doing jailtime. So – from a point of view I should be ok, but it was a long way I needed you to go with those trust-issues of yours. The good news here in The Second Wave is that now that you have gotten to know me and my past – I can share freely in a somewhat more comfortable way from the start.
    By now I figure my dog understands me easier than any of the three x’s. I don’t really need to say stuff or repeat myself or nag in any way. My suspicion was for a long time that there really was something wrong with me, but my first psychosis revealed another universe inside my mind. I chose back then Christmas 1998 that I’d rather stay in my fantasies than trying to reach out for other people to give you a touch of recognition in return. What I suspected turned out to be partially true. To some extent one is depending on positive feedback on your personality in particular from others regarded as important for some reason. So I basically started to look up to myself instead. This competition meant sense. You know what happened also? I stopped giving a fuck about what everybody else had in their retarded minds.
    Luckily for you I had enough with my own and focused totally on being smart. Smart is avoiding risk. Then you get lonely, but you know what? As long as I’m ok with thinking I am better than everybody else as in morally superior to any one of you, well then at least I have something to work with. A big ego is not the same as a healthy ego. The reason for my “perfection” is because I chose to be imperfect and at the same time keep a philosophy that I can always improve tomorrow. Trick is stop thinking what others are thinking of you and of just about everything else too. When you stop speculating on other people’s minds, you become arrogant among other things. Sometimes this arrogance will serve you well and sometimes not. Alcohol and arrogance is not very smart or healthy.
    When you get a bit older than 25 you start to realize how much you don’t know about things. Others don’t care or are in general denial of every suggestion that would reflect negatively on their personal ego. Such behavior is not exactly charming or for that matter, very sophisticated either. So Instead of listening to people talk shit, I isolate and reason with myself. I’ve had every mental experience in the book, so I am no longer afraid of madness or death. What I am afraid of is that I stop caring some day because life taught me to leave my personal feelings behind if I want to stay alive. The day you choose actively not to care is the day you lose yourself.
    Where do we start this blog in time? I have this book called Den tapte vitenskap (Lost science)* from 1999. I figure I could probably use webcam to record some sessions with the book because if I don’t translate a bit and pick out the important stuff from the start – then my story will be messed up again. If you’ve seen the LFB Agenda you know that I have a significant amount of work before me because I’d like to end up with the agenda and I will have to continue posting there too because we now have two different concepts to maintain. And you will get to know me as I am supposed to be. The important thing is that we learn from each other. No reasons to be shy – questions regarding these blogs/documents/videos are welcome on email.
    *password: ”mindsnare”

    Lars

    PS: I changed the book from passwordprotected word document to a regular 1MB pdf-file without any restrictions. Enjoy – and please feel free to ask any question.