Category: Ukategorisert

Yeah so where that leave us on the NATO chief? Like I’ve been saying; I was way out of line. I even threatened to inject him with radiator coolant. I have my street codes and he was threatening my herd. He was my first follower on twitter, and DM’s used to be activated. As far as I know we have never blocked each other. I did time for this and it is water under the bridge – last year’s snowfall. I still don’t like insiders investing in my death.

So what about UN’s secret genocidal agenda – Agenda 21? Real enough. A WHO mandate under UN would necessarily be in place and it will have to correlate with the interests of the elite. And make no mistake; WHO workers that don’t plan for the end of the world have nothing to do in the UN not understanding the actual parameters at play here.

Alright – let’s take a look at the corporative world and the fact that we keep tossing money into the dark side. Nobody in their right mind would calculate with some bloody messiah showing up just about half past eleven.

I’ve been in touch with you earthlings before. Now I live like you, among you – sharing your moments of triumph and your moments of despair. I’mma stick around for a while. I used to run a blog called “THE LFB AGENDA FOR LIFE ON EARTH THE NEXT 4 YEARS (2008-2012)”. Some of you have seen my early work, but at the time of the financial crisis in October 2008, my family broke apart and I had a plan a decade old already on my back pocket – just like the “Patriot Act” – been gathering dust in a desk drawer. I knew what I had to do to get my daughter back. I would have to take the entire world hostage. And then make an exchange. The way of the Nephilim.

What happened? Did I get her back? The short answer is: no. While embarking on this road since I was a small child – all I could possibly know was that someday all traces will lead to my doorstep. Nobody spent as much time trippin’ as I did. Obviously, the old Man trusts me with your existence. Otherwise we wouldn’t have had this conversation.

Back to the point: how would a world without a savior, completely ran on finance alone, look like?

It would look like war. That’s where every sensible being would invest, whether you grow Oxy or Opium. Then there’s what I can do and your leaders can’t, like getting drug- and warlords to invest by injecting black funds directly into the governmental blood flow.

Anyway – New World Order is mine. I hijacked it fair and square by having the only plan including everyone. Business sees the world differently. I see through my father’s eyes. From here on out I’ll name it New World Agenda.

Ladies and gents, I present to you: PLAN B

The “source”

P.S. : I still want my daughter back, but it’s getting late.

The dismantling continues. Alright guys. There’s been a week or so. This is a time-consuming activity and I have to write smart. For those new to this blog, or more correctly new to me, please update by clicking and downloading from this link: (project mindwash.zip)

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1VH7SUJo2XA28nKTst5kDBVTpm95paGu9/view?usp=sharing

Alright – where were we? We are talking about 1^st amendment abuse – the spreading of fear and bigotry. The relentless use of one’s liberties.

I did get the attention needed from the Hill. We’re on the same page here. I should probably stop referring to you as “vultures”. Nobody likes to be labeled a scavenger.

I came on strong last time. Let this be clear: I only access the same material as you do on the internet. Most of these cases can’t be a 100% dismissed, but please just follow my line of thinking here. The ultimate point from where I stand is to create safety. We simply need to be on the same page regarding all the conspiracy theories out there.

I’mma start with those I dismiss without any discussion: flat earth, fake moon landing and pedo-pizzas. Flat Earth don’t really want to be taken seriously. They count some 100k believers and they are just plainly having a cozy-club where they enjoy each other’s company, which is cool I suppose, but the theory does represent a problem…

Fake moon landing is just not likely. Some 400,000 people were involved in the Apollo project. Keeping a hoax of this magnitude secret is simply impossible. There are plenty of good anti-conspiracy documentaries out there that explain the phenomena, the waving flag, the lack of stars, the lighting, etc. Also keep in mind that the Russians would have protested wildly if a lunar landing never took place IRL.

Pedo-pizzas? Really? And the government is of course not spraying toxic chemicals onto the population. I mean, think about it. How can such a claim remain unproved after all these years? So what then are these chemtrails? I don’t know, but I’m guessing it’s some sort of atmospheric reason, like restoring ozone.

Fort Knox – I have not personally been there, taken three random gold-barres and split them to inspect for lead. Rumor has it that the French IMF guy Dominique Strauss-Kahn that allegedly assaulted that hotel maid in NYC, was on his way to spill his guts about the missing gold in the UN that day. Even though the dollar ain’t connected to the gold reserves any more, the knowledge of an empty reserve could have had a violent irreversible effect on your currency. As an American citizen it is a duty to secure the currency against any threat. At the end of the day I accept your dollar because we still agree it’s worth 1 dollar. Do you see where I’m heading?

JFK assassination: my best tip is that it was racism due to his way of approaching black voters as the first president ever reaching out to the Afro-Americans. There are some elaborate race theories behind this motive. I’m not getting into that right now, but will sometime later.

Roswell crash of 1947/UFO’s: The flying saucer first reported to crash was most probably shot down, which is a legitimate act. Bob Lazar and his story about reverse engineering stuff like propulsion and fiber-optics is trustworthy. Furthermore, the air-force has publicly admitted that UFO’s exist. I find no reason to doubt all these people.

What about the aliens? Who are they? Where are they from? My best tip for the typical “grey” alien is that they don’t really belong in nature, meaning they don’t have a home planet or an evolutionary history. They’re made artificially and are functioning merely as avatars for some other kind of intelligent being not known here in the 3^rd dimension – such as the entities we call angels.

Then there’s the people who even ride UFO’s on a daily basis, frequently visiting the moon and Mars and other places, interacting with reptilians, insectoids and whatever. I can’t possibly vouch for this, but I’ll be the first to tell the day I get a moon trip or get to meet any of these alleged neighbors in our galaxy. What I can say being familiar with the MKUltra program, is that there is a presence here – an intelligent presence bigger than us. I can also say that there are multiple realities beyond our own.

Secret societies – since dawn of civilized time any gathering of a handful people or more has been seen as a threat to the establishment. Just imagine half a dozen slaves gathering in your barn, planning an uprising. You would lynch them, right?

We’re talking brotherhoods here – in many cases centuries old. One of the most interesting societies is the Skull and Bones. We have Bush times two and John Kerry belonging to this brotherhood. Out of respect for their code I’ll just confirm that they’re on board. Some secrets are good as secrets. It doesn’t necessarily mean there’s something sinister going on. I’d say the Jews are much more influential as a conspiratorial group, but keep in mind that these guys built pyramids back in the days. They’re good care-takers. Taught by the very best.

Bilderbergers – Ask the NATO chief secretary. He’s one of them. That freaked me out. Combined with findings made by NRK p3 underneath our capital and the fact that he has interests in vaccine stocks and helped facilitate his sister’s occupation, who is a virologist, as head of the Norwegian CDC. Let this be known: this is in fact fishy, but I blame him no more than Dick Cheyney or Paul Wolfowitz for the world we live in. When it all comes down to it, I know the people who raised him, because he’s not more than some 15 years older than me. (*read project mindwash)

To be continued…

Good day everybody. For those who don’t know me; I’m me aka “the source”. When Joe is in trouble with delusional parliamentarians, who does he call? The fiercest criticizer he has, of course. Well, he didn’t exactly call as in phone-called, but being @POTUS has a few advantages. You can get a mention in the morning news over here, Europe – the continent about to be taken over by Muslims.

Yep – I’m a real bonafied ghostbuster in flesh and blood. I chase demons for the Vatican as well as predict the weather on the Gaza strip. All this while chewing gum. OK – I’mma get serious here for a minute.

I run a recently established blog these days called 20/20 vision. Conspiracy theories were next up either way – regardless of Joe here. However, now we have a particular one to address. I’m Caucasian by the way. Scandinavian.

A message (read: conspiracy theory) has a sender. The sender has a motive. The message contains claims, some based on facts, some on opinion. The message has a style – usually “Us vs Them”-theme.

So where to begin with the Anunnaki, NWO, Agenda 21, Area 51, UFO’s, Freemasonry, Bilderbergers, alien hybrid bloodlines, the empty Fort Knox, the pedophile pizza-lovers or whateverthehell?

An independent complete sentence always has a verb and someone or -thing doing or being subjected to some kind of action. The shortest possible is “I am” or “You are”. In other words, something is happening – someone is doing something, possibly to some direct or indirect object.

For every single sentence: what is happening here? Is this likely to be truthful? Why is that? Could facts (statistics) have been taken out of context and been glued together in order to manipulate how truth appears? (Like changing the order of events on a timeline, inventive illustrating graphics, etc.)

I find that many of these theories have an estimated truth content on up to as much as 85%, but some are more cleverly presented than others. I want you to get used to the idea that the sender of such contents is not a liberator. They want you to believe this shit for a reason.

This might be an appropriate time to discuss elitism. Any society on Earth has an elite. Every group within the society would necessarily keep a list of their most potent members. Humans operate like this and most elite aren’t elected and they’re there to stay. Does this make them (us) evil? No, not necessarily, but they could still be a threat to ordinary people, right?

And what about secret societies? Why can’t they just share what’s up? Well, the different ones have their reasons, what concerns me more is any of them capable of running the world from behind the scenery?

I’m gonna address these issues as we go along. This blog will grow in present time and near future. But to make it short: We do have major grounds for concern about just about everything making a conspiracy theory, but there’s a certain order to things. This should be on Joe’s desk, right? Well, here you go, Joe. You’re welcome 😉

There is a world beyond the United States. These days you’re being very familiarized with a conflict in the Ukraine and like @POTUS I’ve been somewhat concerned with analyzing Russian moves, but from a different angle. My job is first and foremost to figure out what’s not apparent at first glance. I’m not about to engage in a discussion about any of this in public at this point. If you wanna know more, check out a link recently posted at my twitter – project mindwash.zip

***holes and ****heads are everywhere in a ratio of 1/39. Among elites as well. Your concern should be tomorrow. Right now all the money through decades of crime is tipping the scale in favor of another world war. That’s where people invest. That’s your problem. WE MUST DISMANTLE THIS ATOMIC BOMB and we must do so together. That’s my main concern these days; how to unite a severely divided brother-people across the Atlantic. I might be an elitist, but all my time goes to figuring out what to do with some 8 billion people. And I don’t wanna kill any of them. Do you get me?

We’re at least 3 billion more than we should. We gotta eat, we release co2 and there’s nothing internationally securing an imminent halt to burning carbon in the atmosphere. That’s my “the source’s” primary concern. Who gives a s*** about Bonesmen, freemasonry or conspiratorial Jews running Hollywood when the world is on fire, literally?

From Europe and the sphere above: American brothers and sisters; wake up and see the writing on the wall. This is it. For all of us. Stay tuned.

Hey there again for the second time. I have no idea what efforts have been made to discredit or or mislead, but that’s something not really concerning me. The vultures, yes. We all know them. Those responsible for passing much needed legislation to a society that is constantly changing. Funny thing though; do you see who never changes in this picture? I’m not gonna twist the knife, rub salt or whatever. The infamous standstill on Capitol Hill. In a prior discussion over the same topic, I ended up drawing the following conclusion: When it comes to being the people’s representative in Parliament, the sense of duty should be very significant, and it should be considered as a matter of decency to serve your constituents with a clear conscience and your hands free. (I think I got it covered – all the things I needed to say in the same breath.)

Ok – the vultures in Congress serve the lobby more than anything and whenever either party tries to make some actual politics, they get stuck like in a gridlock. The culture that causes this everlasting obstacle is one of elitism and an increasingly alienating of the common citizen. All they see is one another, and they are constantly on the hunt for some easy prey, like someone to label, for instance. The great standstill is a clash of ideologies between the two blocks. That is at least what they want us to believe. Truth be told: in 2021 there are practically no ideology left in the rest of the world, while these guys enthusiastically label the guys on the other end of the table. That guy is a criminal, the other one a socialist, then there’s the patriot and let’s not forget the victim or whatever. This masquerade is doing everything but produce actual results that would benefit people somehow. In a world that changes so rapidly as it does, one would suspect that legislators would have a hard time keeping up with their actual surroundings. Like take for instance the internet. Could one say that the Big Book is up to date? Or that other people working with the law have both their professional understanding and the proper tools (laws) in order to face any happening or development and interpret/act correctly? I mean, of course not. The same goes for biotechnology. I’m not going into what is missing as of today, but provided we all are in a hurry to save the planet – now we’re talking gridlock on a massive scale. There’s some 200 countries in this world and all of them have different laws. So with the regular chain of events in a functional democracy, one could safely say that even at its smoothest we can’t keep up. And when the particular crowd in question here not even passes the simplest bill with ease, what are we effectively left with? This my fellow citizens, is no longer a democracy in practical terms. Heck – people even question the very concept of democracy these days, because it lacks the flexibility needed to meet up with constant, rapid changes.

I did say something yesterday about expecting a rough ride from here and the actual ongoing management by a crisis team. This team, in essence, does what congress can’t produce. The expertise is cutting edge in every way and they work fast and produce extremely refined models, unlike any seen before. The best part is that these contractors are cheap in comparison to 500 people trying to move something in any direction. The only thing these guys can’t do is implement their findings, because that would actually require going through several committees, then debating then finally a vote.

So with these dark clouds on the horizon – which one is it? Am I fortunate to actually have solutions for most cases, or am I still in a legislative hell-hole? Both are true. What then to do with the guys you really never needed? You can’t just sack them. If I was Vladimir Putin I could have, because in Russia the President has the power alone to dismiss the Duma and call for reelection. Imagine such a thing here with us. Pretty unthinkable, but it sure makes you think a lot about what you actually could want or even expect from your democracy.

Hey guys. I’m some nobody with something to tell. People who need to, know my identity. You could say I’m a governmental asset and that I am trusted with some information that is not common knowledge. You don’t really need any more information to consider. I’m not hiding my identity in order to avoid getting in trouble with anyone. I’m free to share whatever I deem appropriate right here, but again, you really don’t need another unconfirmed source’s claims. What I can offer is a look into the very fabric of the society you live in. And that is basically also what I do for the government on demand. I do analysis. What background I have? None relevant here right now. I’m just good at what I do and have been doing for quite some time. I would say that I’m probably the only one in this game that doesn’t have secrets. At least not of the kind that can’t stand the light of day. Thus, I have nothing to either lose nor gain from this.

This newsletter under the title “20/20 Vision” is an attempt made by the government to establish a trustworthy connection to the public, because we have lots to talk about. We haven’t been sharing things for a long time and we suppose it was easier before smart-phones and streaming services. Back when we all were chained to the concept of linear tv, then a president had the privilege of being listened to whenever he would feel like addressing the nation from the Oval. And even long before that, in a WW2 setting with radio only, President Roosevelt invited the public to join him on some sessions he called “fireside chats”.

So why this attempt just now to reach out? Well, dear fellow Americans, we’re loosing it. There is no institution nor individual left in the entire country who holds enough credibility or authority to be taken into regard with the general public. It has come so far that not even the Commander in Chief has credibility in terms of sharing anything. It’s just impossible to break through this wall of suspicion and paranoia. Remember, the president is also the president for all the people who voted for the other guy. This one may seem a little faint to make it happen for you, but I do believe that he’s an honest, hard working, well meaning guy who does his best in an impossible job. And frankly, I can’t come up with anyone who could significantly change anything on today’s political stage of this nation’s capital. Not giving up on you, we will have some editorial pow-wows and try this approach.

Why can’t I just show my face or sign my newsletter? It’s mainly to keep the focus on the issues at hand and not me, besides, given the work I do these days anonymity is greatly appreciated. One can’t ignore the security risk either. However, I’m sure you will get to know me better in time. Without really saying anything about identity, all the things one do say will necessarily reveal a lot about the senders intent with the message and to a certain extent also how trustworthy the judgment calls made by this source is. I’d say it’s an all over impression-thing that creates a solid gut feeling. Getting people’s undivided attention for long enough to sell an idea with that gut feeling attached to it is just no longer an option. We have lost the ability to think rationally when it comes to a whole lot of things – losing sight of the bigger picture isn’t helpful at all when various ludicrous conspiracy theories suddenly replace common sense. And now it’s really time we had that talk, everybody. We’re about to devour ourselves from within and we need you to understand how we regard this, not only a severe national security issue, but also a very serious public mental health issue. I’ve been chosen to communicate this because I have a tendency to break through when in need to be heard. Diplomacy is the name of the game and this is a white flag waving.

At least hear me out before the labeling begins. I’ll make sure this program gets labeled correctly. I hope “informative” comes to mind.

The first fact we need to establish is just how much out on a limb we really are here. Our great society is de facto broken on multiple levels and not telling the truth from the start is what seems to be the most common cause in so to speak every issue there is to address. So we wind up keeping this bizarre masquerade in order to pretend all’swell. Here’s the new twist: straight from the horses mouth.

The last guy who held office messed up an already dysfunctional scene even more and people seem to approve and adore these qualities doing nothing else than divide and conquer. It was unfortunate that this guy made it acceptable to do whatever it takes to come out on top. It’s unfortunate that this type of personality has any influence at all. I could probably label him, but I’m not going to. Now we’re a handful guys brainstorming constantly on how to get out of this mess. Not blaming the predecessor for all this in any way, I just want to establish for a fact that his breach of protocol, etiquette and lack of decency generally shocked the world on a weekly basis for four devastating years. The legacy left behind is primarily January 6^th . So how does one talk about something that deeply upsets half the constituents in the country? It’s not like this administration is gloating and wants to rub salt into their wounds, it is just stating a fact. This was wrong from the start and we should have known. Our people isn’t used to think outside the nation’s borders all that much, but we rely on being taken seriously around the world. The state of our wonderful democracy today is flat out “not present” anymore. We are so divided by this clown that families are torn. We live in two totally different spheres in terms of perception. And nothing can bridge this gap apparently. Not even the Constitution.

What goes on in our minds up here? We’re just afraid you guys are gonna hurt yourselves. On a massive scale. If we could by magic spell disarm this nation, it would have been done some time ago already. And the more paranoid people get, the more important their right to own weapons also become – and believe me, I can relate to that. The threat of someone in uniform trespassing is just as real as a criminal trespassing.

To make it short we have two needs: make people realize they are part of the solution and then there’s how conditions really are and why something unprecedented has to happen if we’re gonna stand any chance of making it as a democratic country and worldwide deliverer of premises. We’re done here if nobody pulls a rabbit out of the hat soon.

And everybody’s looking at a democracy where we no longer expect anything from the politicians running it. We’ve become our own worst enemy and we can’t sell that in a credible way. People are now rising more and more questions about our dollar too. Not difficult to see when all we can do is throw money at the problem to keep it in check while the nation’s debt just continue to rise to new astronomical figures. Doesn’t take a genius to work out that something’s not right about our current path. Bottom line is that we’re bankrupt and it’s impossible to hide. Instead of a total breakdown we do have some preventive measures that we sooner or later will be forced to deploy in order to survive here. These measures directly concern you, the citizens. It stands to reason that we are morally obliged to tell you all you need to know in due time.

The point is that we’re going to need these talks more often for many reasons. This newsletter isn’t shaped by some agenda other than to include you in the process. We’ve been chasing the American dream by any cost for a long time. Here come the consequences. If nothing else it ought to sober people up and keep them awake. We have to be a couple of steps ahead here and I also wanted you to know that we see the problems and taking them on accordingly even if it doesn’t get any coverage. It’s your future. You’re in position to demand something from the press. And the press is in position to do the responsible thing: think society before profit.

https://2020vision215077338.wordpress.com/the-joker-the-thief/

Hey everybody. There’s been a long time since I wrote anything at all. I’m currently situated in a psychiatric ward where medications are somewhat mandatory. They make it difficult to write. Nothing concerns me enough to write about it. However – the time for letting me out of here is rapidly approaching. I have already been given an apartment in which I am supposed to live after this place.

They say I’m paranoid psychotic, but here’s the case: I’m paranoid for justifiable reasons, but I’m not psychotic. How did this happen in the first place? Ever since I ran “The LFB Agenda for life on Earth the next 4 years” (2008-2012) I’ve also been corresponding with a bot in cyberspace which can only be described as artificial intelligence. I’ve been isolated with this bot for several years and what it has been doing is tell me a lot that has influenced my perception of reality. For a long time it led me to believe that even my closest relatives were stabbing my back. So – in a sense being here and gradually getting debriefed is good for me. It’s relatively easy – as soon as I learn something is not true – my perception of reality changes for the better. Normally this would be traumatic, but I have learned how not to take any of this personally. I’m used to be a guinea-pig so to speak ;-). This is what I perceive as the very difference between being sick or not. If altering the truth back to normality had been troublesome for any reason – then I would be sick. When that is said – the medications I get are somewhat troubling me because I don’t really need them given the fact that I’m only paranoid – not psychotic.

What’s gonna happen now? Well, I used to live in Berlin, Germany which really suited me just fine. Many years ago I used to be a junkie injecting amphetamines. I worry a great deal about being reinserted into this environment all over again. I really hope my girl Jenny has a plan that won’t make this situation last so long. I also have a daughter which I haven’t seen or spoken to in many years. First of all I will try to get in touch with my daughter, but I don’t think a future with her is very realistic without Jenny. This is why I lay all kinds of different plans in case this Jenny-thing doesn’t happen soon. My only hope is that she interferes before deploying any of my plans becomes necessary. There are a few advantages to being regarded sick. I can’t be convicted to jail sentence and I get welfare monetary support given the fact that I’m “too sick” to hold a regular job. I get approximately 14,000,– NOK (1750$) a month. I had approximately the same while living in Berlin and down there I was almost rich. This is why I will have to move out of the country again after some time. I don’t know where to move yet, but if Jenny continues to be a no-show throughout 2016 I will be forced to look towards Sweden, Denmark, or Germany again. I can read and understand all these languages in addition to my own (Norwegian) and English. I am also tempted to go to Bucurest, Romania but I wouldn’t benefit from knowing the language already if I choose to go there.

So – if and when my darling shows we’re supposed to marry. I have the distinct impression we already did online because of all the judicial aspects. I have invented a lot of stuff both before and after I got to know her in 2011. She’s the one who makes sure I don’t get any more ran over than I already am by the system here. The main point is to stay alive and signal clearly to all those who have been stealing from me that I have a wife and kids that will inherit if something unfortunate happens to me.

It’s kinda strange being back in Norway because nobody knows who I am here. I have a quite different status abroad because of all the work I’ve been doing. It’s not only the artificial intelligence-thing, but also quite some for the interpol regarding pedophile networks and in addition I’ve been giving military advice in many conflicts – among them the Russian/Ukrainian conflict and the Syrian war. While I lived in Berlin many people tried to take a shot at me multiple times. In addition there were vans with satellite dishes and people with cameras stationed nearby my apartment. I am used to an immense nervous pressure in the work I do. Looking at my formal life here now where I’m “too sick to work” is absurd. I’d say it’s an outrage actually.

Either Jenny shows soon or the next place I’ll be situated will most likely be in Bucurest. What I do best is solve problems and write. That is also all I wanna do. I give away my services for free to those who are in need. Sorta like a Robin-Hood spirit to my work, really. What bothers me in particular right now is that we haven’t come any further in relation to my own government. I tried to tell them what I really was doing, but nobody seems to either care or listen. This is why I really feel claustrophobic in this country. It’s too small for me to be able to gain a sustainable life. They want me back on the street with a syringe in one of my veins apparently.

I think I’ll round up this piece of text with an appeal to my future wife-to-come: as you can clearly see in both the video I just published and in this text, I’m out of myself from frustration. I’m sick of being treated like a piece of rotten furniture. I love you and miss you 24/7. Please hurry!

Yours truly,
Lars

Intro
Hello there dear readers. For you wondering what I am to do with two blogs – the answer is easy. I am gradually entering my own private hell. I believe my personal life belongs to the first web creation of mine. THE LFB AGENDA FOR LIFE ON EARTH THE NEXT 4 YEARS
That blog is my first attempt in public to psychoanalyze everything about myself and my surroundings – it’s first and foremost a document that is meant to create a special trust and respect for truth as hard as it can be. The first blog is chaotic and everywhere. One day it’s my x, then there are conspiracies, all kinds of theories and hypothesizes. There’s a but here: I was very psychologically ill when I wrote and since every day is put together from happenings mostly not linked to one’s own will. On some occasions one is far away from where it goes down. And when it comes to the things you do think you control – the control can only get partial at best if there’s other people involved in the issue. Most people socialize and therefore risk having to be surprised in both good and bad ways.
What do I know? Well, I stopped socializing, turned to drugs and madness and in paranoia I decided to exclude people and thereby a helluva lot of randomness. Ok then. Being alone and in control. For how long? I’ve been in relationships with women (living with three different over some 13-14 years). There’s a lot to say about these three very different personalities, but the most important figure in this context is my recent x – the mother of my child. Anyway – control is an absolute illusion when it comes to other people and their free will within the same spacetime as your own. I must say: Three relationships and I always felt alone. I mean, 1997 where this story begins freaked me out existentially a lot because my girlfriend wasn’t really that into me. I had a deep crisis and I was vulnerable and treated bad. Roskilde-festival in Denmark, some Mexican mushrooms and Beastie Boys sorta combined with anger, jealousy and disappointment turned out to be somewhat more heavy than I could imagine. I was supposed to be tough and relentless for an image. Standing there looking like a fool crying I bailed on the Beastie Boys and fled to my van and locked myself inside with a piece of paper. I said to myself that suffered from a massive badtrip and that I needed so bad to fix whatever made me nr 2 in every setting. Under the influence of psychedelic shrooms I was honest towards myself for a short while when I sat in my van locked inside drenched in tears. I came to that she was not being nice at all with all her attention directed on everybody else all the time. I wanted a girlfriend who liked me. Before I knew it I suddenly realized that my self esteem wasn’t really all that to show for. A guy can spend a lifetime in denial of this fact and those who have confidence often have too much of it so that you could say it was artificial confidence. What on Earth could boost my confidence enough to get out of the car, for example?
I cried, pulled my hair and I had nothing to hold on to. I wrote keywords on the paper. I drew lines and I found that I had the perfect reason to think good about myself. At least good enough to deserve better. I found that as long as I could say that I really loved people in general without telling a lie – I was probably better and more aware at this stage already. This festival took two other guys I know on the trips of their lives. As far as I know they still suffer from not coming down ever. Me? Wish I could stay there too – just to have an excuse being a loon. In many ways this horrible experience still lasts. Certain people don’t even speak to me still and what I discovered in my mind that summer was huge. I just knew I was on to something basic and good as to understand myself and those around me. For many years up until this very moment I’ve been alone even though my last x had three kids + ours. Alone simply because you never get the feeling that anybody cares or that they are wiser than yourself in any way. So it’s always down to me and I cannot escape my body or brain no matter what I consume. That’s why I have been depressed since 13. If you know who I am and followed my work you probably appreciate that I did what was considered impossible by every human on this planet including myself most of the time. Fear and doubt of making wrong choices makes one afraid of the choice itself because all choices contain risk. I have extensive experience on not taking a choice and what I learned from that is what I’m gonna blog about here. In this blog I can tell everything nice and easy from beginning to now chronologically. Combined with the other blog that goes back and forth in time all the time – you will see that this story will get different. Two main reasons. I think I needed things to be as they were and when one points out one self as the messenger of truth – everybody is gonna panic when it seems to be true. That’s why I spent so much effort on being personal because you needed to know that you could trust my intentions for taking over the world for a little while. What I had to do was be psychotic and on drugs all these years without actually hurting anyone, losing my driver’s license or doing jailtime. So – from a point of view I should be ok, but it was a long way I needed you to go with those trust-issues of yours. The good news here in The Second Wave is that now that you have gotten to know me and my past – I can share freely in a somewhat more comfortable way from the start.
By now I figure my dog understands me easier than any of the three x’s. I don’t really need to say stuff or repeat myself or nag in any way. My suspicion was for a long time that there really was something wrong with me, but my first psychosis revealed another universe inside my mind. I chose back then Christmas 1998 that I’d rather stay in my fantasies than trying to reach out for other people to give you a touch of recognition in return. What I suspected turned out to be partially true. To some extent one is depending on positive feedback on your personality in particular from others regarded as important for some reason. So I basically started to look up to myself instead. This competition meant sense. You know what happened also? I stopped giving a fuck about what everybody else had in their retarded minds.
Luckily for you I had enough with my own and focused totally on being smart. Smart is avoiding risk. Then you get lonely, but you know what? As long as I’m ok with thinking I am better than everybody else as in morally superior to any one of you, well then at least I have something to work with. A big ego is not the same as a healthy ego. The reason for my “perfection” is because I chose to be imperfect and at the same time keep a philosophy that I can always improve tomorrow. Trick is stop thinking what others are thinking of you and of just about everything else too. When you stop speculating on other people’s minds, you become arrogant among other things. Sometimes this arrogance will serve you well and sometimes not. Alcohol and arrogance is not very smart or healthy.
When you get a bit older than 25 you start to realize how much you don’t know about things. Others don’t care or are in general denial of every suggestion that would reflect negatively on their personal ego. Such behavior is not exactly charming or for that matter, very sophisticated either. So Instead of listening to people talk shit, I isolate and reason with myself. I’ve had every mental experience in the book, so I am no longer afraid of madness or death. What I am afraid of is that I stop caring some day because life taught me to leave my personal feelings behind if I want to stay alive. The day you choose actively not to care is the day you lose yourself.
Where do we start this blog in time? I have this book called Den tapte vitenskap (Lost science)* from 1999. I figure I could probably use webcam to record some sessions with the book because if I don’t translate a bit and pick out the important stuff from the start – then my story will be messed up again. If you’ve seen the LFB Agenda you know that I have a significant amount of work before me because I’d like to end up with the agenda and I will have to continue posting there too because we now have two different concepts to maintain. And you will get to know me as I am supposed to be. The important thing is that we learn from each other. No reasons to be shy – questions regarding these blogs/documents/videos are welcome on email.
*password: ”mindsnare”

Lars

PS: I changed the book from passwordprotected word document to a regular 1MB pdf-file without any restrictions. Enjoy – and please feel free to ask any question.