Welcome, everyone, to another entry in this slow blog. There’s already a piece existing that is ten years old, but I’ve been withholding it from publishing all the time on purpose. It’s an ok piece, but I think I should do it again. After all, I’m ten years older now, am I not?

Alright, so you know my people were atheists, right? There was never a religious doctrine dictating shame and guilt upon sexual issues. I suppose one doesn’t have to be religious to feel a similar stigma. For some reason, we hide this behavior. It’s indecent to display it. That’s how the code universally works.

As I’ve been saying, the stumbling upon Jesus Christ and His “comeback” happened to me early, but mum and dad had nothing to do with it. This got me thinking about everything. I’m not sure how old I was when I realized that at some point it would be necessary for me to undergo a public psychological autopsy, or dissection. I also gathered that for the very same reason, my future children would be in jeopardy. I might lose them because of me.

So – how is this sexual? Well, it isn’t. But sexuality is a main factor when it comes to the individual perception of who you are. And the shame-factor is very real to everyone. Some are willing to go to extreme measures in order to keep their sexual secret. And I think that most people would have a reason to start lying about it at a certain point, due to shame.

I can’t really recommend starting as early as I did, but what I do feel like saying is that kids are also entitled to privacy. And as long as nobody could cause pregnancy, there’s no reason for parents to worry. At least not too much. Read your kid. If something is bothering him or her, let them tell. Then, if what they have on their minds are straight out sexually or anatomically relevant and innocent questions, be there with responsible guidance. Don’t teach them it’s wrong even if they’re way younger than you yourself were. Key words here are boundaries, your body, my body, respect, hygiene and some practical orientation of what concerns an adult has, like one partner at a time, STD’s, pregnancy, birth control, and of course when people go bad. In particular that part about not talking to strangers, and never accepting candy from any adult outside mum or dad’s supervision. Other than that, consent rules, and you’re free to explore your own boundaries.

So, this was always on my mind. That one day I would have to display it the way it is and handle the feedback. That said, mum did the birds and bees talking. Dad didn’t contribute in any other way than just being himself, an example of a calm and decent fella. And yes, I’d say he was both loving and affectionate, even if a little more distant than mum. I mean, it’s been a while, but if circumstances were right, I could still climb on to his lap and sit there for a while.

What mum did was to start out telling me how it’s like to be a girl. She made me conscious of what changes their bodies go through, and what emotional challenges girls my age usually have. She taught me how to care and that sex means emotional commitment. And one of the probably smartest things she did was talk about porn.

It was a different world back then. Even if hard pornography wasn’t legally obtainable, it existed to the same extent as the “blacked out” genitals in activity, which was the sound of the law. This topic could probably go on forever, but she basically made me realize that it’s not real, in the sense that what you see isn’t nearly all there is to the picture. One thing is editing things to manipulate whatever in a given scene. She explained that the industry preyed upon women. That they were badly exploited, often drugged and beaten to do what they do. She said that anyone who imagines that they’re in this on their own will is an idiot, or even worse, a lunatic.

Alright. Watching people getting semi-raped wasn’t all that cool. I got it. But I suppose porn was always there. I never had an obsessive period with such material because I always had an arm’s length distance to it. I’d say the tendency is almost nothing/never when in a relationship. In that case it’s something that one does together. And a tendency leaning towards more when I’ve been single. At this writing moment, age 47, I sincerely feel no reason whatsoever to be ashamed about my preferences. You couldn’t knock me out of sexual balance.

Let’s say it happens once a week on average these days. That estimate should even provide some margin. And having been single for some 15 years, one has accumulated something that could be best described as a collection based on preferences. I have no fetishes. I like nudity, preferably total – no jewelry or tattoos. And the concept of lingerie is nice. Other than that, a woman should have some visible pubic hairs, and it should be tended to for a minimum, meaning I rule out completely shaved and also full growth. Furthermore, I don’t like the concept of heterosexuals having anal sex, and frankly, I have no clue why one would want that. I’ve been taught to figure stuff out, and when it comes to this particular topic, I did. I don’t like it.

Is this where I go nazi and proclaim that everybody should be like me? That’s actually a very sound question to me. I mean, the government has no business what you’re doing in your bedroom unless you’re committing a crime, but I would very well like to support having some official guidelines as to what’s regarded as healthy. Defining that isn’t hard from where I stand, but who am I to judge all those who like all the stuff I myself don’t like? That’s also a sound question. The best answer I can provide is that I would never encounter a problem with the sexuality I have, and I would have no problem standing for it and use it as a point of reference for those who’d like to have one.

We could really use to re-invent porn. I don’t see myself spending lots of time on porn anytime soon, though. There are limits to what I can defend, he he 😉

PS: judging from all the nasty titles that are typical for regular porn, one could easily think the owner is a lunatic. It would feel a little better with less tacky or obscene choice of words when naming the production.

PPS: it could seem like there are, to some extent, a little safer production environments there for those involved in modern times mainstream porn, but have no illusions – it’s still an act. And the act has changed over the years. Not really eager to elaborate, but it’s not just for the better. Let’s just say as a general health guideline, don’t put anything in your vagina that you wouldn’t put in your mouth or vice versa.