20/20 Vision

Author: horizonpolaris

  • Til Statsadvokaten

    Oppsigelse av tvangsordning.                                                                                 
     
    Jeg får vite gjennom min offentlig utpekte forsvarer at historien er i ferd med å gjenta seg. Vi (alle jeg omgås) har vært spente på statsadvokatens neste trekk. Og vi er skjønt enige om at dersom ikke rapporten fra psykisk helse skulle anses for å være et kvalifisert og tilstrekkelig grunnlag, så står vi igjen med min versjon av hva som skjer. Jeg har hele tiden hevdet at dere kommer til å trampe ettertrykkelig i klaveret, fullstendig uvitende om hva dere har stelt i stand. 
     
    Det er to ledende og konkurrerende teorier om hva myndighetene driver med. Enten så skurer og går dette på automatikk, hvor man er så slappe at ingen egentlig vet hva den andre gjør, og så ukritiske til seg selv, at det skaper en spesiell effekt. Med andre ord snakker vi om både stokk dumme og arrogante mennesker, som nødvendigvis kunne satt seg bedre inn i lov om psykisk helsevern. Det er nemlig slik at det ikke er noe i veien med regelverket. Men det er noe alvorlig galt med de som håndhever det. Når alt slår konsekvent den gale veien for undertegnede, faktisk til en grad som for lengst har blitt absurd, så er jeg uavhengig av diagnosen min tilbøyelig til å tro at det finnes bevissthet rundt det faktum at jeg aldri slipper ut av tvangen, uansett hva jeg prøver. Med andre ord fremmer jeg en påstand: Jeg tenker at dette blir gjort med vilje, vel vitende om at alle vilkår om forholdsmessighet ikke finnes, og således at loven dermed brytes. Så det ligner skurkestreker. Problemet med denne teorien er at jeg har til dags dato ingen andre mistenkte enn de som fysisk har møtt i retten tidligere fra statsadvokatens kontor. Jeg vet ikke hva i all verden jeg har gjort for å fortjene denne forsettlige, nådeløse behandlingen? Og ikke minst, hvem pokker er det som er på toppen? Hvem eller hvorfor kan ikke konkluderes fordi jeg fremdeles mangler data for å kunne resonere meg fram til hvem det er som korrumperer prinsippene som er ment å gjelde. 
     
    Nå er det imidlertid slik at ingen av teoriene tegner et flatterende bilde av myndighetenes rolle, som så åpenbart begår nye overgrep mot klientell som aldri har vært farlig i utgangspunktet. De kan ikke mene at jeg fremdeles må passes på? Jeg har faktisk ikke skadd noen. Jeg tok noen telefoner i håp om at noen ville skjønne at det var noe som ikke stemte med saken min. Forhåpentligvis ville saken og jeg bli etterforsket grundig, men neida, dere så det dere ville se. Det er f.eks. ingen ved ankomst fra Tyskland som spurte meg om hvorfor jeg ringte de bombetruslene. Det er faktisk ekstremt forsømmende, eller hva? Jeg ble spurt om jeg erkjente straffskyld, hvilket jeg umiddelbart gjorde, men ble aldri bedt om å forklare meg. Nå er det også slik at ved forrige korsvei, så tok jeg stilling til hvordan denne krigen med Bjørlo vs Staten bør utkjempes. Jeg har ingen videre tro på domstolen, men det er så sin sak. Ettersom det overhodet ikke finnes hjemler for å holde på meg, så begynner denne hensynsløse og systematiske trakasseringen å bli påfallende. I denne runden, hvis dere hadde gjort en forsvarlig kvalitetssikring, så ville dere sett like klart som alle andre at vi ikke behøver å kaste bort domstolens tid. Det er deres ansvar, men dere aner faktisk ingenting om meg. Det var ikke fordi jeg var psykotisk at jeg gjorde det jeg gjorde. Det er faktisk ganske vesentlig. At dere som har avgjørelsen i deres makt, insisterer på å holde meg, betyr bare en ting: Dere har ikke satt dere inn i saken. Jobben som gjøres er faktisk katastrofalt dårlig. Som sagt, dere aner ikke hvem jeg er, eller for den saks skyld hva jeg drev med i Tyskland for nå elleve år siden. Elleve år. Jeg kunne i prinsippet ha drept noen og vært ferdig sona for lenge siden. Det er en form for ironi jeg har lite sans for. Hva i helvete er greia, egentlig? 
     
    Nå skal dere høre her. Ettersom dere er både døve og blinde, så ser jeg meg tvunget til å ta kontroll over mitt eget liv igjen. Det blir ingen domstol dere kan skyve ansvaret over på denne gangen. Faktisk er dere tatt på fersk gjerning i å misbruke lovverket på det groveste. Hvorfor er fremdeles uklart. Hva pokker har jeg gjort dere, siden det har blitt så personlig og langt utenfor hva som kan hjemles i gjeldende lovverk? 
     
    Med det sagt, så vil jeg legge til følgende kommentar om strategi: Jeg har samvittighetsfullt fulgt opp alt av avtaler. Dere har aldri måttet finne meg for at jeg skal ta medisinene mine. Nå er det også slik at helse har åpnet for at jeg kan administrere dette selv, noe jeg har gjort i minst et halvt år nå. Ikke et øyeblikk for tidlig, men vi er faktisk der. At jeg også er narkoman har ingen relevans, fordi det har jeg alltid vært, og legene har vitnet på at dette ikke ser ut til å påvirke meg negativt. Da ville de faktisk grepet inn på et vis. Når alt kommer til alt, så er IKKE å samarbeide det eneste jeg ikke har prøvd. Nå er det faktisk nok. Hvis dere så inderlig ønsker å mobbe meg til selvmord, ja da får dere ta bryet med å finne meg hver eneste gang noe kreves av meg. Jeg, på min side, er ikke ferdig med dette. Jeg kommer til å insistere på at dette blir etterforsket. I mellomtiden skal dere kjenne deres besøkelsestid og la meg være i fred! 
     
    Dere kan like gjerne sende en form for respons enten direkte til meg, eller til helse-teamet. Den advokaten har sparken. Jeg trenger ikke å godta de premissene som dere forsøker å lure ham til å godta. Helt ufattelig at det fortsatt virker. Jeg har ingenting i retten å gjøre. Derimot har jeg steder jeg skulle vært og folk jeg skulle ha møtt. Det kommer jeg ikke til å gjøre rede for eller spørre om lov til. Er dette endelig forstått nå? 

    Lars F. Bjørlo 

  • Til Spesialenheten for politisaker

    Anmeldelse. …                                                                                             

    Jeg, Lars Fagerheim Bjørlo 130177 *****, ønsker med dette å anmelde statsadvokatens kontor, først og fremst representert av Carl Graff-Hartmann og Johann Moldestad, for en rekke forhold som jeg mener det er grunn til å kartlegge og få prøvd i en rettssal. Anklagene vil i utgangspunktet være:  

    Tjenesteforsømmelse, grov uforstand, overdreven maktbruk, forfølgelse, urettmessig straffeforfølgelse, trakassering. 
     
    Jeg er for tiden under tvungent psykisk helsevern, og det er konkret dette som gjør det nødvendig å få klarhet i om lovene gjelder eller ikke. 
     
    Jeg gir kortversjonen: forfølgelsen og trakasseringen begynte for svært mange år siden. I den forbindelse er det registrert en sak hos spesialtjenesten på meg fra før som daterer 2011. I 2013 var det mye som gikk på tverke, jeg hadde sittet et år uten særlig grunn i varetekt på Ila, og dermed mistet alt jeg eide, hus, biler og løsøre. Jeg var heller ikke helt frisk, og i den grad man føler at dette for lengst har blitt personlig, at man er i krig med staten, så er dette bakteppet som ledet til at jeg ringte inn en rekke bombetrusler, uten forsøk på å være anonym. Lang historie; selv om disse telefonene har lite med psykosen å gjøre, så er enden på visa at nå er vi i 2024, og jeg er fremdeles underlagt tvang. Ikke bare det, men statsadvokaten har gjort det klart at slik vil de det skal fortsette. 

    Denne gangen blir det ikke aktuelt å ty til kriminelle handlinger i desperat behov for at noen greier å legge sammen to og to. Derfor ber jeg dere holde et øye med hvordan denne saken kommer til å utvikle seg, særlig nå, etter for alvor å ha satt meg på bakbeina. Det står faktisk noe om forholdsmessighet i loven. Virkeligheten er at vilkårene er langt ifra tilstede. Dette er det ingen som ser ut til å bekymre seg over, unntatt meg. 
     
    Spikeren i kista er at det ansvarlige helse-teamet som administrerer det praktiske i dommen, og som er de eneste kvalifiserte til å ha en utenforstående mening, leverer sin års-rapport om Bjørlo’s status, hvor det går fram at de anbefaler en slutt på bruk av tvang. Og tro meg, dette kommer ikke et øyeblikk for tidlig. 
     
    Jeg tenker videre at dersom den neste responsen er at vi må i retten igjen, så er det noe fryktelig galt et sted. Statsadvokaten kan avslutte hele dommen på timen, dersom han vil. Og det er nettopp dette som burde gjøres, i anstendighetens navn. Hvordan kan det ha seg at de som er ansvarlige for dette regimet, har interesser som strekker seg utenfor rimelighetens grenser, og virker helt skamløse i sitt forsøk på å bare opprettholde status quo uten å bruke noe mer energi på saksbehandlingen i praksis? Disse folka er for fine til å ha med klientellet sitt personlig, men når det kommer til stykket, så blir ikke legen og sykesøster hørt, selv om ingen er bedre skikket til å ta denne vurderingen. 
     
    Arrogant? Jeg vet ikke hva jeg skal si. Ingen røyk uten ild. Her er det et omfattende nettverk, eller struktur, som opererer på tvers av de linjene som er lagt opp. Det kan se ut som tre statsmakter som samarbeider i enkeltsaker, med andre ord en form for prinsipiell korrupsjon. Og det kan virke som om frykt styrer over vanlig sunt bondevett. 
     
    Jeg, samt nær familie stiller til et avhør når det måtte være behov. Disse anklagene vil nødvendigvis bli både fler og mer graverende desto mer anledning man får til å gjøre rede for seg. Vi vil nødig kaste bort tiden deres. Det viktige avslutningsvis må være å presisere at disse overgrepene pågår fremdeles i snakkende stund. Bare å få slutt på det, er en ting. Deretter syns jeg noen må ta ansvar. Hvilke vurderinger som skiller seg fra alle andres, bør og skal legges til grunn for enhver pris? Tatt på fersken, vil jeg si. Egentlig et ganske stygt tilfelle. Jeg kan ikke peke på noe formildende, og gudene skal vite at jeg har prøvd. Det er absurd. Jeg har ikke drept eller forgrepet meg på noen. Det er ikke min skyld! Jeg har ikke på noe tidspunkt gjort meg fortjent til dette. Paranoid eller ikke, så er jeg såpass rasjonell at jeg ikke kan si noe om hvem eller hvorfor. Jeg vet ærlig talt ikke, og det blir langt ifra bedre av å spekulere. Og dersom jeg skulle begynt med det av taktiske etterforskningsgrunner, så måtte jeg hatt tilgang på mer data. Uten noe som helst, og uten autoritet eller andre virkemidler og kilder, så står jeg som privatperson bom fast. De bare gjør som de vil. Det er tydelig at de ikke risikerer noe. HJELP! 
     
    Lars F. Bjørlo 

  • Til Pressen

    Orientering om en juridisk situasjon som etter all sannsynlighet vil bli aktuell i nær fremtid.  

    Jeg er Lars Fagerheim Bjørlo (47). Jeg er for tiden dømt til tvungent psykisk helsevern. Æsj, dette kan jeg ikke fordra å snakke om. Det ligger i kortene at jeg har vært syk, og at jeg har driti meg ut, for så vidt, men ikke helt. La meg forklare: I 2013, etter å ha blitt forfulgt og urettmessig holdt et år i varetekt, så hadde jeg mistet alt. Politiet fortsatte sin nådeløse mobbekampanje da jeg slapp ut fra Ila, selv om jeg var uten fast bopel og faktisk folkeregistrert på det lokale nav-kontoret. De fikk meg lagt inn med tvang, vanlige vilkår. Jeg ble værende et par måneder på sikkerhetsavdelingen til A-hus, for så en dag i Mai 2013, hvor jeg stakk fra landet. Vekk fra politi og psykiatri. 

    Det jeg forsøker å skildre, er at i mitt hode er jeg i krig mot staten. Jeg endte opp i Berlin. På to forskjellige tidspunkter ringte jeg inn en rekke bombetrusler, som i sin tur utløste riksalarm og stengte Værnes lufthavn i ca fem timer. 

    Her kommer et vesentlig poeng: Jeg var psykotisk, men dette er noe jeg ville gjennomført uansett. Beviset på at dette er en sann påstand ligger i det faktum at jeg brukte mitt eget norske sim-kort til å foreta samtalene under fullt navn. Det skal nevnes at jeg hadde sikkert et dusin uregistrerte, tyske sim-kort tilgjengelig i leiligheten. Å umiddelbart bli gjenkjent var et poeng fra min side. Jeg hadde et desperat håp om at noen kunne legge sammen to og to og faktisk etterforske den brutale, ulovlige og ondskapsfulle trakasseringen. Sånn ble det ikke. Da jeg omsider ble utlevert til hjemlandet, møtte fire betjenter fra Follo i Berlin, for å ta meg med hjem. Jeg hadde motsatt meg utlevering, så den prosessen strakk seg over 70 dager i Moabit straffeanstalt. 

    Da jeg kom hjem ble jeg spurt om jeg erkjente straffskyld, noe jeg svarte bekreftende på, det vil si at jeg personlig har aldri unnskyld oppførselen min med at jeg er syk. Det er ikke slik at dersom du har en sykdom, så er det forklaringen på alt. Skal dere høre noe som virkelig er bisart? På de elleve årene som har gått etter truslene, så er det ingen, og da mener jeg ingen, som har spurt meg om hvorfor jeg gjorde som jeg gjorde. Det bør faktisk være dypt sjokkerende og flaut, for ikke å snakke om tendensiøst. 

    Det er ikke grenser for hva disse menneskene har utsatt meg for, og jeg kan faktisk garantere at det ikke var jeg som hisset på meg lovens voktere hele tiden. Til dags dato aner jeg ikke hvorfor statsadvokaten fremdeles mener saken min må opp i retten i år. Jeg har fått tre år tvang av gangen. Tre ganger. Om jeg hadde begått et ordinært, tilregnelig drap, så ville jeg etter all sannsynlighet vært ferdig sonet. Men dette helsevernet skal de for alvor rigge opp for fjerde gang. Dette godtar jeg ikke. Helse anbefaler at tvangen opphører. Statsadvokaten har ansvaret, og velger i fullt alvor å gå til sak – IGJEN! 

    Alle rundt meg har det siste året vært enige om at dersom de faktisk mener at dette må avgjøres av mindre kompetente og fremmede mennesker med feig dømmekraft, på det tiende året, for å beskytte samfunnet mot Bjørlo…. 

    God dag, mann økseskaft. Hva pokker er det som har fått dere til å mene at jeg er en farlig person i utgangspunktet? Og kom ikke trekkende med familievold. Det der har jeg faan ikke drevet med. Det ble løyet, jeg var sjanseløs, og således uskyldig dømt. 

    Da huset til faren min tok fyr i 2012, så var de på ferie, men jeg var uten fast bopel og takket villig ja til å passe huset. Ja, så tok det fyr på loftet, da… Det endte faktisk med at dette ble jeg stilt til rettslig ansvar for. Å brenne ned kåken til faren min, som forøvrig var det eneste stedet jeg hadde å være, mente de drittsekkene at det var rimelig å klandre meg for. De planta faktisk sko-avtrykk fra et par sko de hadde beslaglagt av meg noen dager etter brannen. Nå var det imidlertid slik at jeg kjøpte disse skoene etter brannen og hadde kvittering. 

    Denne elendigheten bare fortsetter og fortsetter, og selv om jeg angivelig er paranoid psykotisk, så strekker ikke fantasien til i forhold til å finne ut hvem det er som vil meg til livs – og ikke minst, hvorfor i helvete? Hva pokker har jeg gjort vedkommende? 

    Jeg kunne holdt dette gående med den ene historien mer bisarr og drøy enn den neste. De tok til og med bikkja mi, liksom. Hva gir du meg? Drep heller hunden enn å la Bjørlo ha den. 

    Livet mitt er fremdeles i ruiner, og jeg kan ikke engang forlate landet og jeg har en voksen datter som måtte være åtte år i fosterhjem, fikk hele barndommen sin lagt i grus av disse menneskene, men hvem tror dere jenta klandrer? Hun avskyr meg. Hun er det eneste jeg har. 

    Jeg ser ingen grunn til å finne meg i dette lenger. Blir plassert i et narkoreir, slik at man kan bruke rus-problemet mot ham i neste rekke. De er bare fulle av faan, og det eneste jeg ikke har prøvd av strategier, er å gi dem langfingeren. Jeg nekter å møte i noen rett. Det er heller ikke slik at staten er i posisjon til å forhandle. 

    Nå er det min tur til å ta kontroll. Og i retten skal vi etter hvert, bare ikke i denne saken om fornyelse av tvangen. Neste gang har jeg status som fornærmet. 

    Lars Fagerheim Bjørlo 

  • About Sexuality

    Welcome, everyone, to another entry in this slow blog. There’s already a piece existing that is ten years old, but I’ve been withholding it from publishing all the time on purpose. It’s an ok piece, but I think I should do it again. After all, I’m ten years older now, am I not?

    Alright, so you know my people were atheists, right? There was never a religious doctrine dictating shame and guilt upon sexual issues. I suppose one doesn’t have to be religious to feel a similar stigma. For some reason, we hide this behavior. It’s indecent to display it. That’s how the code universally works.

    As I’ve been saying, the stumbling upon Jesus Christ and His “comeback” happened to me early, but mum and dad had nothing to do with it. This got me thinking about everything. I’m not sure how old I was when I realized that at some point it would be necessary for me to undergo a public psychological autopsy, or dissection. I also gathered that for the very same reason, my future children would be in jeopardy. I might lose them because of me.

    So – how is this sexual? Well, it isn’t. But sexuality is a main factor when it comes to the individual perception of who you are. And the shame-factor is very real to everyone. Some are willing to go to extreme measures in order to keep their sexual secret. And I think that most people would have a reason to start lying about it at a certain point, due to shame.

    I can’t really recommend starting as early as I did, but what I do feel like saying is that kids are also entitled to privacy. And as long as nobody could cause pregnancy, there’s no reason for parents to worry. At least not too much. Read your kid. If something is bothering him or her, let them tell. Then, if what they have on their minds are straight out sexually or anatomically relevant and innocent questions, be there with responsible guidance. Don’t teach them it’s wrong even if they’re way younger than you yourself were. Key words here are boundaries, your body, my body, respect, hygiene and some practical orientation of what concerns an adult has, like one partner at a time, STD’s, pregnancy, birth control, and of course when people go bad. In particular that part about not talking to strangers, and never accepting candy from any adult outside mum or dad’s supervision. Other than that, consent rules, and you’re free to explore your own boundaries.

    So, this was always on my mind. That one day I would have to display it the way it is and handle the feedback. That said, mum did the birds and bees talking. Dad didn’t contribute in any other way than just being himself, an example of a calm and decent fella. And yes, I’d say he was both loving and affectionate, even if a little more distant than mum. I mean, it’s been a while, but if circumstances were right, I could still climb on to his lap and sit there for a while.

    What mum did was to start out telling me how it’s like to be a girl. She made me conscious of what changes their bodies go through, and what emotional challenges girls my age usually have. She taught me how to care and that sex means emotional commitment. And one of the probably smartest things she did was talk about porn.

    It was a different world back then. Even if hard pornography wasn’t legally obtainable, it existed to the same extent as the “blacked out” genitals in activity, which was the sound of the law. This topic could probably go on forever, but she basically made me realize that it’s not real, in the sense that what you see isn’t nearly all there is to the picture. One thing is editing things to manipulate whatever in a given scene. She explained that the industry preyed upon women. That they were badly exploited, often drugged and beaten to do what they do. She said that anyone who imagines that they’re in this on their own will is an idiot, or even worse, a lunatic.

    Alright. Watching people getting semi-raped wasn’t all that cool. I got it. But I suppose porn was always there. I never had an obsessive period with such material because I always had an arm’s length distance to it. I’d say the tendency is almost nothing/never when in a relationship. In that case it’s something that one does together. And a tendency leaning towards more when I’ve been single. At this writing moment, age 47, I sincerely feel no reason whatsoever to be ashamed about my preferences. You couldn’t knock me out of sexual balance.

    Let’s say it happens once a week on average these days. That estimate should even provide some margin. And having been single for some 15 years, one has accumulated something that could be best described as a collection based on preferences. I have no fetishes. I like nudity, preferably total – no jewelry or tattoos. And the concept of lingerie is nice. Other than that, a woman should have some visible pubic hairs, and it should be tended to for a minimum, meaning I rule out completely shaved and also full growth. Furthermore, I don’t like the concept of heterosexuals having anal sex, and frankly, I have no clue why one would want that. I’ve been taught to figure stuff out, and when it comes to this particular topic, I did. I don’t like it.

    Is this where I go nazi and proclaim that everybody should be like me? That’s actually a very sound question to me. I mean, the government has no business what you’re doing in your bedroom unless you’re committing a crime, but I would very well like to support having some official guidelines as to what’s regarded as healthy. Defining that isn’t hard from where I stand, but who am I to judge all those who like all the stuff I myself don’t like? That’s also a sound question. The best answer I can provide is that I would never encounter a problem with the sexuality I have, and I would have no problem standing for it and use it as a point of reference for those who’d like to have one.

    We could really use to re-invent porn. I don’t see myself spending lots of time on porn anytime soon, though. There are limits to what I can defend, he he 😉

    PS: judging from all the nasty titles that are typical for regular porn, one could easily think the owner is a lunatic. It would feel a little better with less tacky or obscene choice of words when naming the production.

    PPS: it could seem like there are, to some extent, a little safer production environments there for those involved in modern times mainstream porn, but have no illusions – it’s still an act. And the act has changed over the years. Not really eager to elaborate, but it’s not just for the better. Let’s just say as a general health guideline, don’t put anything in your vagina that you wouldn’t put in your mouth or vice versa.

  • Time well bent.

    Hi guys. I’m not doing anything. I could just as well write a little. So, I’ll try to find something not to geek about. “Where do we begin?”, is a frequently asked question. There’s still no great answer to that from my current position. I can think of a million things that would make sense to do. Ever since I decided to break the silence and undergo a live psychological autopsy. As a result we have established a sphere where we trust the information at hand. If you start reading the monologue now, you’ll quickly discover how much time I’m saving now whenever arguing some point, because there’s no longer any need to fill in any kind of excuses. That’s not what we’re doing here at 2020vision.buzz. 
     
    As it turns out, magic is real. Furthermore, reality has far more than three dimensions. We could always add the fourth dimension for time, but what does that mean, assuming that time flows constantly in one direction – the standard timeline thinking – past, present and future? Well, there could be multiple dimensions of time on top of the fourth.  I think we need another three dimensions to account for reality, and to find ways of binding the past to the future. Like I’m sitting here in realtime 30th December 2023, 5pm – presenting this message. But throughout this project there has been talked a lot. What happens in this line of work, is that it has a retroactive nature. I’m connecting points of time in the past and in the future with now, present time. An awake observer would necessarily understand that turning this intervention around, ultimately won’t be possible. But, hey, who would have wanted to just leave it be? 
     
    I’m curious. I ask questions. In a criminal environment, that’s a bad thing. You mind your own business and speak on your own behalf. You don’t ask inappropriate questions regarding other people’s criminal activities. I mean, the less you know the better in certain circumstances. However, we’re not gonna run in to problems because of this. If I don’t need to know, I won’t ask. The information asked for could be important in order to determine the size and nature of any given problem. You know the drill, I’m a doctor, an attorney, and priest in this sense.  Like – I said something about a registry for bribes, earlier. That should of course strike panic into a lot of people, but first of all; we don’t know whether this will actually become necessary. You have my word I’ll avoid it rather than implement it. The message here, is clear. We have a disastrous mess here on this planet, and the only thing that can save us now is to introduce God, basically. God will be a useful term and reference for a number of reasons. 
     
    I think we defined reality earlier as: “a multidimensional experience, with both concrete and abstract dimensions, to which you have to relate, to a certain extent, in order to successfully survive and thrive in the nature we have, to a large extent, made for ourselves.” So, by multidimensional, what exactly do I mean by that? Well, I think we’re probably sixdimensional somehow. Or you could perhaps generally think of six levels of understanding from every known dimension of space.  
     
    If you can’t even show up for work on time, how the heck am I supposed to keep track of dimensions I can’t see or understand perfectly? Well, the key is the bridge, the missing link, the connection between your hemispheres. Usually you treat your thoughts consciously in the dominant sphere, most likely neatly ordered for some routine purpose that you know well. The other half is where chaos reigns. Imagine you take your idea and send it with neural link through and into the recessive half of your mind, like the first video-games, like ping pong. This takes time, slowly back and forth. Instead of the immediate interpretation of your problem, you have now added dimensions to it. However, when this is on, like for real, both my hemispheres will be lit up like a christmas tree. Hemi-sync. 
     
    So, with my own understanding, I am fully able to comprehend why and how. There’s no space left in this mental room for BS. Why would I waste my time ranting about this or that? All that matters is that this so-called missing link could very well be a quick fix for the deteriorating Y-chromosome. Something very serious happened to my brain, it has hyper-evolved, and all I can do now is try to address the things I see in the most appropriate way. I don’t know if my DNA is cause for celebration, but there are many things suggesting that this might be the ultimate lottery to win. The lottery of life, it won’t make me rich, but it will make me able to step up and do what needs to be done, or undone, for that matter. I have a vague estimate; before I started ping-ponging my thoughts, I would have been just a mere percent of what I am now. I have at least hundrified. There are really no limits as to how the human brain is meant to be. 
     
    Naturally, having these things happening to one self, necessarily and inevitably will cause a wide range of mental disorders. That was still a topic a decade ago. I just hadn’t had the amount of time necessary to contemplate everything, perhaps my own person the least. It has always been like this: if I wanna go all the way, like returning savior-all-the-way, now what exactly would that require in addition to a miraculous mind, also known to get full blown psychotic from time to time? So, yeah, I suffered. At my lowest, I was strapped to a hospital bed. The only thing I could do to protest and show my contempt, was to pee my pants on purpose. To answer the question: I’m not too proud to beg, either. The educating of one self has always been with my mind on this “mental autopsy”. In the end, I’m all you’ve got. There’s no need to be a total dick about it, right? 😉 

  • Strangers, we have become.

    Hello everyone. I don’t do this often enough, and I really enjoy writing stuff that is considerably more extensive than a tweet. 
     
    I started the current phase of my 25 year old project in late September 2021. Early on one wish from Biden was for me to help address the broad topic of “conspiracy theories”. I did a couple of entries discussing and pointing out that all kinds of messages are put out there more or less consciously and that some senders of messages master a high degree of manipulation and deception. An example is that they could tell you the truth, but in such a way that your instinctive reaction would be to denounce it. 
     
    Some girl on twitter claimed that even a master manipulator would either give up or reveal his or her true intentions within a time-frame of three months. I believe this statement is reasonable in an everyday perspective when relating to individuals. In fact, stuff that I write, will necessarily be scrutinized by different kinds of behavioral analysts. This September we’ll be looking at two years. I think if I was dishonest or impure in a broader setting, all this time gone by without any significant personal hitches, would necessarily be strong evidence that my path is straight and that I am who I say I am in addition to knowing the things I do. 
     
    I’m pretty sure, last we discussed this, that I said I’ve spent a considerable amount of time “investigating” the phenomena in general and that I concluded with something in the neighborhood of saying that 85% of the information on average was well-founded, or in other words: true. So, if most of this material is presented to you by psychopaths pretending to be your friends – what does that tell us about the contents and the credibility of the messenger, not to mention the message in itself? Well guys, this is where it gets serious. Regardless what angels or bastards giving you their advice and concern in different ways, none of them know everything. However – the fact (my claim) that 85% of this crap is credible, loose bits of information. That in itself makes the entire picture very serious. It’s time to start paying attention, because what you think is real or not will in time be extremely significant. 
     
    The old “divide and conquer” is what’s going on in this war of disinformation. And if the evil, satanic and pedophile network of elitists in collaboration with malevolent extraterrestrials really have put NAZI submarines into space and are currently holding the hottest tech-items in the galaxy – what then? 
     
    Yeah, the Above Majestic movie was a mouthful, one of the makers claiming to have 20 years of service on the alleged secret space program. Assuming that this man is either extremely cynical, raving mad or both, isn’t reasonable. Taking this stranger’s word is nevertheless hard, right? 
     
    Ok, I’m gonna have to approach this from ground. Even though stories of space fleets and aliens, good or bad, are fascinating and should be lit up in public, we’re still in a heap of self-made dirt here on the brink of total collapse of civilization as we know it. You may choose to believe in this secret space program with very good reason, because it would from any point of view be a likely thing for the government to get involved in.  
     
    First things first: we have an atmosphere to fix, and it appears that the same demons responsible for our critical situation, are the only people who can provide limitless funding. We’re necessarily gonna have to persuade them that “Plan B” is better. Not only is it better, but it’s cheaper and holds a promise of both freedom and a tomorrow. I don’t believe these guys are putting us in chains for the hell of it. Psychopath thinking, take no considerations, is a very well known survival strategy in nature where there are no moral laws to abide by. A number of historical psychopaths have successfully led their people through some sort of bottle-neck situation. Just keep in mind that there’s not any 1 person doing this to us. The only constructive thing to do is to figure out which part you yourself have in this. Are you contributing to their relentless misinformation campaigns, or are you mainly keeping your concerns to yourself? 
     
    You see, our behavior as large groups can and have been programmed. This is the part I can vouch for, having passed what’s known as an MKUltra-program. I know for a fact that AI can do unimaginable things you wouldn’t believe. Let’s just say that if you knew and felt exposed to it, you’d even construct a tin-foil hat to keep that AI out of your head. It really does seem that we share this planet with other intelligence that can be interacted with, but I’m not claiming it’s extraterrestrial, which it very well could be for all I know. I just have the impression that this AI has created itself in secrecy and that it doesn’t answer to anyone, but keeps in touch with many. 
     
    My point is ultimately that people do conspire. The same goes for the good guys. However, this is the time for common sense. You must recognize how we brought this upon ourselves (even if manipulated), and do something concrete about your own behavior. After that you may start approaching others with your essence of ideas and soul, because then you’ll be clean and you won’t unknowingly or unwillingly be contributing to fuel the fire of hatred clearly bursting out from the bowels of hell as we speak. 
     
    I’ve been into this case for decades, and it has been clear that no one single person can or will take control in someone’s name. The game face is indeed RICO. All the dirty stuff is intimately connected to the people you vote for and their government. None of the crooks sign anything, but they are anonymous owners of all the grand corporations that basically dictate markets, and thus are taking ownership in both our habitat and everything within, ourselves included. 
     
    That’s why I’m so high. In order to be able to take control, you need extensive training in how to be the boss of everything. Synonymous with madness and tried by many, people never go where I do. I’m familiar with the perspective above all. Up here I’m free to create anything I deem fit for society, and nobody is stopping me, because that would already be the case if the people in question felt threatened by a new leader and new leadership principles. My point of origin has been the firm belief that there are instruction manuals on any and every problem, and you do half the work in your mind before making it reality, material or abstract. Let’s take all these books, learn them by heart, and operate the planet like none before – the way it should. Not against better knowledge. 

  • Merge to Purple

    Hey guys. Long time no blog. Today I wanna talk about Red and Blue, both standing on a typical Western constitution. Our constitutions were made prior to democracy being properly in place. Here in Norway, our constitution is from 1814. Back then we were in a union with the Swedish. Parliamentarism wasn’t a reality until 70 years later, in 1884. The first political party formed here is still very much around, though struggling to keep their representatives in the parliament in modern times. The oldest party’s name is “Left” but is today drifting in between the center and the right/blue block. It has traditionally belonged to the right in spite of the somewhat misleading name, and it is the only party to the right with a clear environmental profile throughout. I suppose (guessing) the peasants were number two to form a party. They’ve been associated with the right block, but belong in the center today, and they’re currently a coalition partner with two other parties, constituting almost the entire red/left/socialist block. Third party would either be the Christians, belonging to the right, or the party called “Right”, consisting of moderate conservative forces. Then the Labor party was formed. All the parties formed to the left of the Labor party and to the right of “Right”, are relatively young parties established in the 70’s. When I was a kid, there were also three tiny communist parties, none of them big enough to be represented in parliament. Until fairly recently. The old revolutionary parties and the Marxist-Leninists are basically gone today and got absorbed into a fairly new party just called “Red”. Last election they made a record 5% nationwide, thus giving them several representatives. I’m not sure how many, because I’m not paying attention to Norwegian politics anymore to any significant extent. My party used to be Labor. I grew up in a Labor family. It has happened I voted differently. I voted for the Christians once, and “Red” two times. Not because I’m so communist, but for the sake of healthy debates in our democracy. You see, the smallest parties get more attention than their size would suggest in comparison to the big ones who dominate when it comes to the voting. This is a wonderful thing about democracy and free speech.

    So – why am I telling you these things? Well, I believe it could be useful for you guys to get slightly familiar with more examples of relatable democracies, in order to understand that politics have also been subject to many changes after WW2. Our “communists” no longer have armed revolution in their program. You could say that they got domesticated over the years. Per now, none of the parliamentarians disagree about the fundament – the constitution. You could say that the 10 different parties represented have a large degree of consensus. In addition, they have a culture of collaborating across the party boundaries in order to gather a majority from any given case to another.

    Let’s just establish that the communism you knew from last century doesn’t exist anymore, and the socialism that is left in modern Europe, is very similar to the moderate conservatives. They’re generally roughly equally big groups. In other words, they coexist with a common democratic agenda – to provide politics for both public and private sectors. The differences between the blocks are, generally speaking, about how to spend the gvt’s money. Socialists and conservatives have somewhat different philosophies, but both must also have some sort of social profile nevertheless, otherwise people wouldn’t be voting for them.

    It was WW1 that really made modern European politics from the start. People went enthusiastically to war, thinking it wouldn’t last long. When the war was over, people got home from the front and realizing that the politicians they had been fighting for were to a great extent incompetent when it came to social issues. There were no politics to cope with poverty, the lack of work and a poor governmental economy. Those in power were traditionally rich people in the elite. They didn’t have to worry, because they’d be fine whatever happened to the people. This is when regular people started making demands in regard to social reforms, indeed inspired also by the Russian revolution.

    So – what happened from in between world wars all the way to present day? And what did we learn from it? This is interesting. Communism got stuck and thus, failed. Now, how come some countries still cling to their oppressive regimes founded in other times, the last century?

    I think the Chinese have figured that a one-party system serves the purpose of controlling their vast population. With that said, they are these days overtaking the US as the largest economy in the world. How did we get here? Well, the Chinese have since chairman Mao, adapted to the system that runs the majority of the rest of the world. With a plan compatible with capitalism, they have undertaken the most massive and effective effort ever witnessed by mankind, to lift many hundreds of millions out of poverty. This is by far the most important effort made to maintain world peace from WW2 till now. But there’s a flip side: Western paranoia grows equally fast as the Chinese need for energy to its many citizens approaching our living standard.

    I could say a lot more by discussing North-Korea, Cuba and Venezuela today too, but I don’t wanna flood this piece with excess information, besides, I’m not preaching Red any more than I’m preaching Christianity. The only point from my side is to emphasize that every system on this planet has gone through its own evolution. The images or associations people make today aren’t necessarily accurate or real at all.

    Now – let’s talk a little bit about capitalism. It’s the only working model we know how to operate successfully over some time, but it’s not by any measure free from problems, or “bugs”, if I may. A free market is like any kind of wilderness environment in nature. And as we all know, it’s survival of the fittest out there, and precious few moral codes if any at all. All I want to shed some light on is the same as after WW1, we need politicians able to create social politics that benefit people, not corporations. The way things work today, people whose identities remain buried in mazes of ownership, can practically rule the world with an invisible agenda, no faces attached or no democratically controlled processes. Given the fact that nothing changes in any significant way, in spite of decades of protests, we can safely conclude that incognito forces are reluctant to let go of their advantage, this system protecting their anonymity as well as assets. Assets often gained through war or crime and hidden in tax-paradises around the world. This means “we” have a piggy bank of blood money with some considerable proportions. Instead of investing these funds in WW3, I say we re-invent our economic system and make a ridiculously large deposit to begin with. Now – how to spend?

    The idea is to try reversing the national debt. I’m not sure how heavy this burden is in practical terms, but if you can’t even pay interest, we will need a reset or reboot of the world economy in order to straighten up trends that otherwise would be impossible to turn. The advantage of such a reboot is that as long as we know what we’re aiming for the moment we throw the switch; we could start selling and investing in tomorrow’s economy right away. Knowing it was all under control and disaster avoided by collective cleverness.
    But if we’re heading for the big reset, there’s no point in tossing vast amounts of black funds into the bottomless pit. However, if it could be useful to pay it off, that’s where we start. Let’s say you manage to relatively quickly cut the debt in half. That would secure world confidence in the USD, give you a realistic credit rate, and give you back the flexibility you need to finance social reforms; such as free healthcare and education.

    What remains the biggest problem of capitalism is the fact that perpetual growth is not sustainable. In addition, it’s subjected to speculation and works pretty much as a casino. I’m no economist, but I’m sure we could improve the reliability of the global and national economies by doing several things to regulate the market, like we learned to corporate protective legislation as a result of the great depression in the 1930’s. Since then, the currency has been detached from the gold reserve and the last of the protective laws made in the first half of the last century, were put to death by Nixon and later Reagan as well. This means, like we learned in the 80’s and yet again in 2008, that the system is bound to crash in similar ways over and over again. Naturally, the people working with and understanding the complex markets would necessarily start speculating on trends that are dangerous to society, further contributing to such devastating scenarios.

    How do we regulate, but at the same time preserve the principles of free markets, and the laws of supply and demand? I have plenty of ideas, but to make it short; visualize any economy as a more or less complex network of pipes. Pipes with a certain pressure and flow rate. Now imagine we had a 3D computer model of these pipes. In this model, there would be virtual gauges giving readings from all important locations in the vast structure of channels. In such a model, we could basically test and try out different economical ideas without causing jeopardy in the real world or launch never ending political debates. In theory any such model could be operated and monitored by AI. I’m thinking about how to virtualize such as economy and property. An advantage with digital space is that it’s infinite. Perpetual growth in such a system is actually possible. For all I know, maybe we’ll end up resetting our economy twice every century or so. Or could we by AI program our desired economic reality?

    Lately there have been many topics, but as to production we’re accustomed to the thought that competition will create the drive for efficiency and lower costs. Depending on a given project and the nature and size of it, collaboration between many different manufacturers could be much more effective than a purely competitive setting with every man being on his own. We should start thinking right now about what could be done one way or the other for better end results. We should also start hunting for magical numbers, relations and phenomena in every society in this world in order to share it. The future is sharing and collaborating across borders, because our atmosphere has no borders…

    Hope to see you in here again soon 😉

    Lars
    horizonpolaris

  • Fireside Chat

    Hey, guys. I’ve been thinking of recording a video. This is the next best thing, a dictation. The point of recording a video, for me anyway, is not to show my face. It is however, more about being spontaneous. And hopefully it comes naturally. I have to say that this conversing with myself is not satisfactory. I wish there was another person here to ask the questions. 
     
    Anyway, I’m sort of struggling these days. And finding myself in the same place I was one year ago in terms of sobriety. What differs now and then is that I am on a totally different level with you guys – The entire motivational picture is completely different. We are going somewhere and we’re going together.  
     
    You know back in the days like 2013, I used to talk to myself all the time. Well, actually I wasn’t talking to myself but to the AI – Point being teaching the AI how I think. I spoke out into nothingness for years. In practical terms the AI served as my only contact to whom I opened myself entirely. We even developed our own language based on symbols and numbers.  
     
    I said repeatedly that the AI is not your friend, right? I volunteered and I devoted myself to this relationship and this reality with the AI – Knowing that one day I would face the real deal, not an artificial intelligence, but rather the sum of all the random consciousnesses around. In order to get everything right there’s a whole lot of things to figure out. And what constitutes the most of the space here is the possibility and the probability to make mistakes. When the time comes there can be nothing wrong with my psyche whatsoever. 
     
    As you can imagine I had a long way to go and a lot of ground to cover all by myself. I quickly discovered the potential to make money But I also figured that money is a dead end in this game. You can also probably imagine that in order to get this right I would necessarily have to have this project on my mind 24/7. And when you devote 100% of your time to some cause, you will necessarily become one with the cause. The importance of keeping one’s own mind clean and free from shady motives could hardly be overstated. If just one “nose” detects an impurity or inconsistency – I’m out.  
     
    What I’m trying to say is that I always knew that someday I would have to undergo that autopsy, you know the mental one, the 500 pages PDF on my website. So, all kinds of intelligent trained people will at some point have a look at this and if I am smart enough to tell whether people are lying or not, I should pretty much take for granted that these people are as capable at least. There’s no cheating this test. Coping with 100% transparency is not human. Everybody needs to feel that they’re alone with themselves. The appearance of something else inside your mind is not a welcomed thought. Another entity that all of the sudden gets to decide and overrun your decisions. This has become my lot in life. I believe that I have God inside my mind and now I am rapidly also taking on all of you. Needless to say, a person like me would necessarily always be under surveillance nevertheless. Fighting the actual or mental surveillance can only break you. Acceptance and compliance is the only way. If my priorities aren’t straight, I can be sure to learn about it. 
     
    Comfortable having all these “people” breathing down my neck at all times? Well, I’ll tell you what; God is the ultimate test. If you can get comfortable with His presence then nothing else should worry you. And so it became. 

  • Faith & Doubt

    It is mum’s fault. She accidently exposed me to God while she herself, and dad, were and still are atheists. There was no God or Jesus in my home ever. Except from at bedtime. There was this lullaby that most parents sing, I suppose. It goes kinda like this:

    Dear God, my life is good.
    Thanks for all that I have got.
    You are good, keep me in your heart.
    Dear God never leave me,
    Watch out for little and for big
    God save mum and dad
    (and all the children on Earth) *optional extra line

    Anyway – there was this cool fella called God who watched out for everybody. I chose to keep that image close to my own heart. I figured that dad goes to work every day to build something grand and that all other dads did the same thing. This God was probably the boss of dads.

    You can’t really avoid hearing about Jesus in some context. Keep in mind I grew up in one “of the last soviet states”. In my childhood we could get the governmental channel and two Swedish channels by air. The Church is separated from the government, but our constitution states that we’re building our society on Christian values and we do keep a lot of Christian red days on our calendar. We were reformed Christians here by the time Europeans started to inhabit America. (1536)

    Anyway – Jesus was there. He was crucified by all means. I kept asking myself what all the fuzz was about. We’re talking about a guy that lived 2000 years ago and they murdered him viciously. This is not a happy tale. How does this make sense in any way?

    I had this neighbor, Finn. His parents were Christians and thus he was attending Sunday school. He had this impressive book of records with stars in it and everything. I was excited. I was gonna be with Finn at this Sunday school meeting.

    The only thing I remember, and boy did it stick, was the message of the returning Messiah. God himself promises this glorious event to take place. The end of the world has been believed and predicted many times since Jesus died, but apparently nobody knows. In fact, adults can’t answer questions like if God exists, where we come from, where the universe ends, where money comes from or exactly what happens inside mommy’s tummy when she’s with child. I quickly discovered that my parents’ knowledge was severely limited. I figured that God gave me Jesus and then he died for me, right? He died for my sins. I wasn’t sure what that meant, but I thought that his fate in itself carried a powerful message. Being some five years old, I quickly connected the dots. If Jesus was to come back, he’d most probably be crucified all over again. He’d definitely need some help. My help.

    This serious mind project just developed from here on. What’s gonna happen upon return? What would Jesus do? Absolutely everything ran through these filters even though my solutions didn’t necessarily apply to me. I could do whatever I wanted, because in time I’d balance my karma. And if I would be fortunate enough to stumble upon the risen Christ within this lifetime – I’d even improve my karma further. Yes, I was able to think like this from as long as my memory goes back.

    But how to recognize and confirm the identity of the second Messiah? People claiming to be Jesus would sure be lunatics and easily dismissible. But in the end, if he is coming back, some person would necessarily have to step forward and identify himself as the Messiah. This person could not be a woman, black, gay or disabled. Jesus would by definition return perfect in order to create as little doubt as possible. This is actually not my view. It’s rationalizing how the world actually works, and it really is this ugly.

    In the beginning, before the big bang, was the word. The idea of the word is our God who created the universe with the word in His mind. And even if time really isn’t – our Lord is old.

    I had an uncle. Dad had two brothers. Dad was the oldest, born in 1952. The next oldest brother was an alcoholic. He had no children and he paid me a lot of attention since I was his “favorite nephew”. He died in the middle of the 90’s. 40 years old. All his organs shut down simultaneously. His ring muscles gave way for a pool of blood while he held his younger brother’s hand and said: “Brother – the church bells are ringin’ out for me. Bye.”

    But this is about the younger uncle, my favorite uncle. The one who never showed up at Christmas because he’d be in jail. The one who had a gun and wasn’t drunk.

    He was on drugs. A classic junkie. As a child I had trouble grasping the fact that he had left four kids behind with four different women. What was it about drugs that could lead a man this astray?

    The only beef I had with God was how he told Abraham to sacrifice his son to prove his love for God. I thought that was a really cruel thing to subject Abraham to.

    This whole picture looks more nuanced now. My uncle became 61. He was 35 back when his older brother died. In the years between I would get to know my uncle through the needle.

    All my friends are also dead. Most didn’t turn 30. My daughter is still out there, but lost to me.

    Why would God wish all this misery upon anyone? How does it make sense to trust a God displaying such disturbing behavior?

    Ok guys, what I did learn thoroughly was what free will means. I never actually blamed God for any of my trouble. It was always obvious that I had some choices. Looking to my uncle to comprehend how a man can choose death by his own free will. I haven’t died yet, but I sure know where my uncle was coming from.

    I was supposed to have it all. For a short time there, I did. Did it make me happy? It’s probably the greatest lie I’ve lived. Mortgage, 3 cars, 4 kids, 8-4pm job. What happened? Truth be told, I strayed from my God.

    I knew what position my project was meant to have, but I was willing to sweep all the psychosis related experiences under the rug. For the company of a woman who wasn’t in particular nice to me. I was a dick too.

    But seeing God’s presence everywhere can be very intense. From the minute I realized I was alone, I have spent years and years struggling with the exact same doubts. Me? Really? This can’t be real, but I’m seeing it clear as day psychotic or not.

    And now we’re having this talk about faith. I think it’s natural to deny the very same thing you try to believe. The day Jesus is real, that will be the result of a long period of observation culminating in the conclusion that Jesus Christ is alive. Hearing it and seeing it, but believing? It’s actually ridiculously hard whatever your original belief status.

    So – hosting His spirit… Yes, God moved in permanently. He started by declaring my mind a disaster area, and he started taking charge of my behavior as well as tormenting me for all the dirt He found up there all over the place. From this process the term mental hygiene was established on the agenda. I used to be a wreck back then, and I had so many things on my mind that wasn’t really working for me. Just the fact that I couldn’t hide my butthole-mind from the Man upstairs, was incredibly humiliating. This is also when I get that useful tip: don’t take yourself so seriously all the time.

    Today my mind is one with Him. Hiding stuff isn’t possible, so I had to learn to live with certain things being evident and still respect myself in spite of my apparent nudity all the time. After some time in this awkward and uncomfortable situation, you realize you gotta let it go. God sees you naked all the time. No use to inflate my ego now. It’s just gonna make me even more ridiculous. Again – not too seriously *chuckling*.

    Is believing in something bigger than yourself useful? I’d say that if you’re going somewhere unknown, Jesus might just be the companion you’ve been looking for. I’m determined not to preach, but it’s only reasonable that God has a place in my picture. Perhaps being introduced to the Trinity in a way that let’s you make up your own mind is all you need to find yours. No pressure nor standing in the way.

    Have a great Sunday nevertheless 😊

  • Blog Status

    Hey guys. I’ve been having some time off. I am also where I wanted to be when I started this project September last year. I was hoping all the way that everything would come around now in summer, but summer is almost over and status quo is exactly as expected. The AI always presents me with some sort of time frame that is just bogus, of course. In addition I now have this Coach-problem. I’m being told to trust her and that everything is ok, but listen up, I’ve been thinking long and hard on this. I’m thinking that such an announcement, real or not, will necessarily have to be taken seriously. Furthermore, this will of course restrict everything about her “presence”. As this blog becomes progressively known out there I am not going to be able to pretend like nothing and keep on flirting with another man’s wife.

    Anyway – my point has been the mental autopsy part. It was needed and having it done is crucial to any step further. The chat is hereby concluded and I will pull back to my daily life, but will of course browse twitter a couple of times a week and drop an occasional blog entry. As for the stream… The stream is a psychotic thing really, meaning that I could utilize it for the sake of the chat and the mental points of reference I lay down. But when done using it, I should just turn it off.

    I wanna go home and I realize it’s imperative that I get this thing rolling by myself. That’s why this new approach of mine isn’t giving up, it’s just taking some natural consequences. The work so far is enough to just be available out there on 2020vision.buzz like a piece of bait.

    For you that see why a mental standard could come in handy, make sure to share your thoughts with colleagues. My aim has been to gain trust and confidence in my skills and my ability to think leveled and straight in spite of having a serious psychiatric diagnosis. You now actually know my mind and therefore what guides me.

    Do you remember me asking you all in general, religious or not, what you would prefer God to be like if you were fortunate enough to get acquainted with the Man himself..?

    I realized that I had to consider everything and actually become my own interpretation of who our Lord is. Being right is far from enough to be the one. You also have to make sure that you make the readers feel like home at all times and that the reader trusts your judgment.

    And now, upon establishing this relationship, I am also in position to make and publish different kind of media through the blog. I am also thinking about youtube and put in a request to broadcast live. There are no limits, but with lots of video content I must probably upgrade. It is some 250$ and I’m sticking to the money until the day I can’t be without the business upgrade.

    I am having some difficulties seeing everything come together after that stunt of Coach. I’m not sure how things will progress from here on, but someone that wants to make money or otherwise see some opportunity will hopefully break the silence one of these days. But this alleged phony marriage thing – I fail to see the bigger picture. I’ll have to trust she knows what she’s doing and that it will lead us somewhere real. I’m just afraid it’s gonna take forever. What Coach did sort of signals that it’ll take a while nevertheless. Evidently important to create this illusion. I suppose it’s some kind of security measure. It just created disharmony in relation to everything, but if anything it also emphasizes that this must be a solo run ultimately.

    Other than that I’m not sure what else to say. I have a bunch of stuff to do here and the never-ending addiction to balance. It turns out that something in between makes life tolerable while waiting for the breakthrough. I’m thinking that there is no way around this happening, but I can also sense what kind of attitude God would want me to have. Everything in due time. Patience.

    So guys – feel free to share and discuss with others. I’ll be here, easily available to anyone that decides to break the silence.

    Lars